Somewhere in the Night
by Ladyhawke Legend
Summary: When an old friend delivers some bad news to Archer, it turns his world upside down. His past comes back to haunt him. Can his best friend, Trip Tucker, help the Captain before his deep, dark secret is his undoing? The 7th/Final chapter is up! Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to anything Star Trek. They are the property of CBS/Paramount. I am not making any money off of this. I am playing with the characters and their world for fun only. Thanks.**

**This is my second attempt at writing and posting fanfiction. This story will be a work in progress. It's kind of a sappy, fluffy romance story dealing with my favorite Star Trek captain and character, Captain Archer and a character of my design. It features a lot of Trip too. It's much more angsty than fluffy actually, but compared to my first story this one's not as complex or hardcore. I was inspired this holiday season by listening to the classic Christmas song "Let It Snow." There is something to be said for being able to snuggle up to a person you care for deeply, by a warm and cozy fire, while it's snowing outside. Another source of inspiration came from the listening to the song "Alone", from Celine Dion's new album _Taking Chances_. Other fanfiction authors SC Little and RadcliffePotter's writing also kind of inspired the creation of this story. Please read and review. Let me know if you think this story is any good. It's fun to write, but I want it to be fun to read too. Enjoy!**

**Oh, by the way, this story is set sometime after "Demons" and "Terra Prime", but before "These Are the Voyages". There are supposedly a few years between the last "real" episode and the series finale, so I'm using that time inbetween, when anything could happen. This is not supposed to be AU. It hopefully would be realistic enough to be set in the real Star Trek universe.**

**Chapter 1**

**The Message**

Captain Jonathan Archer emerged from his shower feeling revitalized and refreshed. The muscles which had been tight and sore were now soothed and more relaxed. Every time he played basketball with his senior staff he swore it would be the last time. He tended to let his guard down and he became way too competitive. He usually ended up pushing himself way too hard physically as well. This last game had caused him to have to almost literally limp back to his quarters from the cargo bay that had been turned into a basketball court.

Now, as he sat comfortably at the head of his bed with his back resting against the bulkhead, he thought about the latest game. His mind reflected upon his and his senior staff's behavior. It had really been his own fault to allow his best friend and Chief Engineer, Commander Charles "Trip" Tucker III, to play on the opposite team as himself. Archer and Trip had been friends for over thirteen years now. They loved to compete with each other, off duty of course, and try and best one another at a variety of activities, especially sports.

This game Trip had been extremely aggressive in how he played, so Archer decided he needed to play that way too. They had fouled each other multiple times. The Captain had "accidentally" elbowed Trip in the right eye attempting to get around the chief engineer to get to the basketball. Trip had "accidentally" slammed the Captain to the ground as he rushed after the basketball another time. Needless to say, both men had bumps and bruises all over their bodies to show for it all.

Other members of the senior staff, Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, Tactical Officer; Ensign Hoshi Sato, Communications Officer; and Ensign Travis Mayweather, Helmsman, had also become a little overzealous in how they had played the game. This had only added to the Captain's aches and pain. He shook his head and smiled thinly as he realized he had probably left his mark on them as well. Archer then smiled more fully and genuinely at the thought of how comfortable and friendly his senior staff were around each other when they weren't on duty. The bonds they all shared of respect and camaraderie warmed the Captain's heart. Even the Denobulan, Dr. Phlox, seemed to really enjoy his time around his human colleagues. T'Pol, his Vulcan Science Officer, had chosen to at least watch them play this time. She had yet to join them. Basketball was not her sport, apparently.

The Captain, dressed in gray sweat pants and a gray T-shirt, picked up his favorite item in his quarters, his bright yellow water polo ball. As he continued his musings about his crew, he threw the ball against the far bulkhead, opposite his bed, let it bounce off the wall, and then caught it as it came flying back to him. He repeated these actions several more times. While on duty, his senior staff and crew were all about professionalism.

All of them were experts in their fields; they performed outstandingly under all kinds of pressure and in all kinds of strange situations; and they worked well together as a team. Archer couldn't have been more proud of them if he tried. He trusted them and relied on them to complete their missions. They had not let him down to date and he knew they never would. They had become his family and he cared deeply for all of them. He took the time and effort to make sure he knew and recognized every crewman and officer that served with him. He didn't want to forget or neglect any of the valiant men and women who were under his charge.

The comm sounded, drawing the Captain out of his reverie. "Bridge to Captain Archer," Hoshi, the ship's genius communications officer, said through the speaker located to the right of the door coming into Archer's quarters.

"Archer here," the Captain replied after getting up off the bed, walking over to the speaker, and pressing down the comm button.

"Sir, you're receiving an urgent communiqué from Earth via Starfleet Command," Hoshi calmly informed him.

This caught Archer by surprise. He hadn't been expecting to be hearing from anyone at Starfleet Command or anyone from Earth for that matter. He and his crew were mapping and studying an uninhabited system full of varying sizes of gas giants. It was a simple and welcomed assignment, peaceful and quiet. He just knew it had been too good to last. The other shoe was about to drop and he and his crew would be pulled into yet other dire situation. He hoped this communiqué wasn't going to be something as horrible and devastating as the news of the Xindi attack on Earth a few years ago. He really hated bad news like that.

"Who's the message from, Hoshi?" Archer queried, almost afraid to ask the question. His stomach was starting to flutter and he felt his chest constrict, increasing his breathing.

As if Hoshi could sense her captain's unease, she tried to relieve it. "It's not actually from Starfleet Command, just relayed through them, so it could reach you." She then added, "It's from a Fergus Donnelly."

Fergus Donnelly? Now that was a name he hadn't heard in quite some time. He had been a good and close flight school buddy of Archer's. They had lost touch after his little sister, Mairead, had gotten married about six years ago. What would he want? Then it struck the Captain like a bolt of lightning. Something must have happened to Mairead. Archer had taken an instant liking to the woman who was ten years his junior. Through his friendship with Fergus he had grown close with her, even mentoring her through flight school, when Fergus couldn't. She was a beautiful, sunny blonde haired girl, with streaks of light brown running through her locks. She had lovely, stormy sea, gray-blue eyes. She was short and petite, but full of Irish determination, stubbornness, and fire.

Mairead Donnelly had been a stellar pilot, even more so than her older brother. She also had the makings of a talented officer in Starfleet, with the potential to one day rise to be a captain and then an admiral. Her leadership ability had floored Archer. People just seemed to gain confidence and strength around her. She inspired people to do their best and not give up. Then, during her last few months of flight training and instruction, she had suddenly and unpredictably decided to pull out of Starfleet and join up with the Military Assault Command Operations (MACOs). She had gone full military, holding nothing back.

Archer had called her Mai, pronounced like the month of May. It had just seemed to fit her bright and cheerful personality. It had shocked and hurt Archer deeply to have someone that had become his good friend and someone whom he had mentored so carefully, leave Starfleet so abruptly and go over to the Marine-like MACO service. The Captain felt his chest tighten further and a feeling of dread spread throughout his stomach and up into his throat. He felt fear, worry, and adrenaline shoot through his veins and his heart sped up. He was experiencing the kind of panic like someone who thinks they have lost their wallet with their ID, all their money, and their credit cards inside. It threatened to overwhelm him.

_Oh God, please say something hadn't happened to Mai!_ Archer's mind cried. He had been as close to her as he had been to Trip in those pre-_Enterprise_ days. In fact, Fergus had nicknamed the three of them, Trip, Archer, and Mai, the "Three Musketeers." Archer had really liked that analogy at the time. It was where he had gotten the inspiration for his beagle's name, Porthos. "Put it through to my quarters, Hoshi, quickly," he ordered, trying not to shout the words. _No not Mai! Anybody but her! _His mind screamed now.

"Yes, sir," Hoshi replied immediately. A few seconds later Archer's computer terminal in his quarters hummed to life as Hoshi complied with his order and sent him the message from Fergus Donnelly.

Archer's computer chimed when the message had downloaded to his terminal. "Thanks, Ensign," the Captain told her and then signed off. He reached for the terminal controls, hesitant in his actions. Did he really want to hear what Fergus was going to say? Did he want to hear that Mai was seriously injured or dead? He hadn't seen her in over five years, but that didn't mean that his feelings for her had diminished any. He had buried them, even denied them for a time, but they hadn't gone anywhere. She had been at _Enterprise's_ launch, but they hadn't really talked, and they had spent little time in each other's presence.

Archer knew that fact had been his fault. He couldn't face her after she married Tom Branson. Mairead had started out as a friend's little sister, who then became like his student, then his own friend, and then what? The Captain had never admitted to anyone, not even Trip, that he had much deeper feelings for Mairead than those of mere friendship. He had fallen in love with her. He still loved her.

Mairead had never known how he truly felt about her. Archer had been too chicken to tell her. He told himself it was because he didn't want to ruin their friendship, or that it was against regulations for him to be in a romantic relationship with a subordinate. But the real reason he held back and never told her was because he was afraid that she did not feel the same way, that she viewed him as a friend, a mentor, another big brother, but nothing more. He had been scared to make an idiot out of himself and have her be uncomfortable around him if she knew how he really felt. He didn't want her to reject the friendship they _did_ have because he wanted more than she could give him. Archer still carried the scars of asking someone he had given his heart and soul to, to marry him and then have her refuse and leave him. He didn't want that to happen with Mairead.

So he had refrained from telling her what was genuinely going on in his head and heart. If friendship was all he could have with her, he was going to at least have that. This philosophy worked well, until she met Tom Branson. That event had changed everything. Branson was why she had left Starfleet and join the MACO's. Branson was a MACO and looked down on Starfleet Officers. He was quite the arrogant bastard in Archer's opinion. Mairead had fallen head over heals for the dolt, and gave up all her original dreams to try and find a way to get him to notice her.

She totally changed overnight and had become someone else just to please Branson. That was what had taken Archer by complete surprise. Mai wasn't the kind of person who let others walk all over her or control her in any way. She didn't do things just to please other people. She did them because they were the right thing to do, or because she believed she needed to do them. She was extremely independent. It was so strange to see her allow someone like Tom Branson to run her life and make her into something she wasn't. Mairead went after him and eventually got the young man's attention. When she did, the poor boy hadn't stood a chance. Mai just had something special about her. By becoming a MACO she convinced Branson that she was something he just had to have. She played the warrior role exceptionally well too.

It took over a year, but Mairead persuaded Tom Branson to marry her and marry they did. Archer did not take any of it well. He pretended to though, and acted ever the gentlemen and ever the friend and confidante Mairead needed him to be. But inside the jealousy and longing just about undid him. Finally, after they got married and Archer received his promotion to captain, he let his contact with Mairead and Fergus gradually wither and die. He rationalized it by thinking that they all needed to go their separate ways and that Mairead would be off fighting battles and protecting people, so she wouldn't have time for him anyway. In a way, Archer created his own self-fulfilling prophecy - he lost his Mai.

The Captain hadn't liked Thomas Lewis Branson from the moment he met the young man. He would never say or hint at anything like that around Mai, but deep down inside he despised Tom. The young MACO was arrogant, selfish, boastful, dishonest, and thought way too much of himself. Tom was one of those people who knew he was good looking and knew how to use their looks to their advantage. He usually got whatever he wanted, including Mai. Branson had only become a MACO to keep himself out of trouble, and his family thought it would put some discipline in his life. He had not been a criminal, but he was damn close. It was either the military or ship him off world.

What Mai had seen in the little cretin, Archer couldn't fathom. But she did have the tendency to always see the good in everyone, so Tom must have had some redeeming qualities. Love was blind, the Captain had decided. It had been nothing short of a betrayal when Mai had left Starfleet just because of a fool like Thomas Branson. But Archer recognized that he was biased against the boy. Maybe the years in the military had changed the young man, made him more humble and more straitlaced. Tom had taken Mai away from him, but only because the Captain had been stupid enough to let him. Archer continually kicked himself for not acting on his feelings. It had cost him dearly and made him utterly miserable. He had learned long ago to hide it well, but it was true nonetheless.

Finally, the Captain hit the buttons on his terminal that would bring up Fergus' message. He took a deep, calming breath and braced himself for whatever the bad news was certainly going to be. Fergus had risen to the rank of Commander, but had chosen to work in Starfleet Administration as a bureaucrat. He worked closely with various Admirals and Commodores, along with their staffs, running the day-to-day operations of Starfleet Command. He was not the adventurer that his younger sister was. Mai's sense of wonder, daring, and exploration mirrored and almost surpassed Archer's own. Fergus had made the choice to work in an office where it was nice and safe, not out in space where danger could lurk around every corner. It was his loss, the Captain had concluded. But Fergus had proven to be exceptional at running a bureaucracy and getting people to get their jobs done.

The form of Commander Fergus Donnelly in a typical, navy blue, Starfleet uniform appeared on Archer's screen. Fergus had the three pips on his right shoulder, denoting his rank and the gold stripping of the command division of Starfleet. It matched the gold stripping on Archer's own uniform. His friend looked as somber as the Captain had ever seen him. Usually Fergus was jolly and full of life, as much as his little sister was, but not now. His blue eyes appeared bloodshot and slightly puffy. His short, closely cropped, blonde hair was a little messier than Archer remembered seeing it. This did not at all bode well.

Hitting play, the Captain waited to hear the horrible news about Mai. "Top 'o the mornin' to ya, Jonny," Fergus began the prerecorded message. The Donnellys were some of the only people Archer allowed to call him Jonny. Few received that permission. Trip wasn't one of them either. "I hope yer explorin' is goin' well," Fergus continued in his thick Irish accent. "I hate to take up yer time, but Mai literally begged me to send ya this message. She couldn'ta bring herself to do it. The situation is just too much for the young lass to bear right now. But she wanted ye to know." Archer hit pause at that point. Mai wasn't dead, nor was she hurt, well at least not physically. What had happened? Was it Tom?

The Captain resumed the playback again. "I guess I'll have ta come right out and say it," Fergus said and took a big gulp of air. "Tom's dead. He was killed in action five weeks ago." Archer stopped the recording again. It was Tom. He didn't know what to think or feel. So many emotions were running wild through his heart and mind; relief, joy, triumph, sadness, loss, and so on warred within him. He was ecstatic to learn that nothing was wrong with Mai. To lose her would have been a heavy blow. He was also happy that Tom was gone. It was a terrible thought, but he couldn't help it. The one obstacle in his path toward Mai was no longer there.

Then Archer realized how devastated Mai would be and that caused him to grieve too. Tom had seemed to make her happy, despite what the Captain thought about him. Mai's sense of loss would be tremendously and extremely painful. The first thought that rushed into his mind was to turn _Enterprise _around and go back to Earth. He wanted to be with her, comfort her. That was a totally ridiculous and illogical idea. T'Pol's Vulcan sense of logic and reason must be rubbing off on him for him to have that thought pop into his head. Archer knew he couldn't just drop everything and return to Earth just for Mai, but part of him longed to do just that. He needed to hear the rest of what Fergus had to say.

The Captain unpaused the message once again. "The funeral was four weeks ago. It was closed casket. There wasn't much left of the lad, I'm afraid. He was killed while protectin' some cargo haulers against an alien attack near Braelax II. Mai understood this mighta happen, Jonny, but the reality of it is so much harder to accept. She knows the risks of her and Tom's jobs, but to have death actually come a callin' is a wee bit harder to swallow." Fergus stopped and shook his head mournfully. Then he spoke again. "She isn't the same, Jonny me lad. Mai has become like a turtle, hidin' in her shell, emotionally I mean. The spring has gone out of her step and the light has faded out of her eyes. I don'ta know what to do fer her. I'm getting' really concerned about her. She doesn'ta look good."

Fergus then seemed to come closer to the camera he was sitting in front of. His voice took on a conspiratorial tone. He spoke more quietly, almost whispering. "You've gotta help me, Jonny. If anyone could pull her out of this funk, it would be ye lad. She still looks up to you. I know we have all grown apart the last few years with all our responsibilities takin' us in different directions, but Mai still always follows what you taught her. And she still always thinks, 'What would Jonny do in this situation?' Please me boy, you've gotta do somethin'."

The message paused once more as Archer had to stop it and take in what Fergus was trying to tell him. He wanted the Captain to do something to ease Mai's loss. What in the hell could he do way out here? For some irrational reason this request angered him. He wanted to help, but it just wasn't possible. Sending Mai a subspace message would probably do more harm than good at this point. Here was his chance to be there for her and he was failing her yet again. His fury rose. He smacked the pause back off this time.

"I know yer a long ways away, Jonny, but I had a completely ludicrous idea that just mighta solve the problem," Fergus explained. "Is there any way ya could request to have Mai's MACO unit transferred to _Enterprise_? I could pull a few strings on my end, but ya would have ta make the request through Starfleet yerself. I know this is askin' a lot lad, but I have no other choice. I can'ta stand by and watch me baby sister implode. Seein' ya again and havin' a new assignment, a new responsibility, mighta be just what she needs. Let me know whatcha think, Jonny. I will be anxiously awaitin' yer reply. Yer a good lad and I know ya'll do the right thing." The screen then went dark as Fergus' message ended.

Flabbergasted was the only word that could describe how Jonathan Archer felt. This was something so unexpected and so totally out of the blue that he couldn't think straight. He wasn't sure how to react or what to do. Here was what he had been dreaming of for years, to have Mai back in his life, by his side. He had wished for it more times than he could count. Guilt started to erode the giddiness he had begun to feel as he thought of seeing Mai again. He had also wished fervently for something to happen to Tom to allow Mai to be his instead. Again, Archer recognized how selfish and rotten these thoughts were. It wasn't like him. He wasn't normally this way, but jealousy was truly a green-eyed monster. It clouded a person's judgment.

The Captain didn't really want anything bad to happen to Tom, but he had wanted the young man out of his way. Now Tom was gone. The cocky bastard was out of the picture. It weighed heavily on Archer. He had wanted it so badly and now it had happened. He knew his yearning couldn't have caused Tom's death, but he felt horrible for the twisted and hollow thoughts about it. Archer deemed himself responsible for Tom's death and placed the blame on his own shoulders. He became totally disgusted with himself in the process.

The Captain now felt sick. His head was pounding and the room spun a little. His hands were tingling too. He was hyperventilating. Archer had some serious soul searching to do. He had to find a way to come to terms with all of this and sincerely do the right thing. He had to talk to someone, someone who was partially familiar with the situation. Trip's image instantly came to mind, but maybe he was too close. The commander had never known how the Captain had felt about Mai. What would Trip think of his best friend? What would Trip think about the secret desires of his heart; his real thoughts concerning what Mai meant to him; his real thoughts concerning Tom's demise? Archer hated himself for thinking such terrible thoughts and he was frightened Trip would too.

Phlox might be a better choice. He would be totally neutral on the subject, and the Denobulan doctor was a good listener. But he might be too far removed from the matter at hand. All of the other senior staff members seemed wrong for his needs too. Malcolm was too uptight, Hoshi was too innocent, and Travis was too young. T'Pol's logical and unemotional ear might be helpful, but then again she might be too unemotional. It had to be Trip. Trip would understand. Trip would know what to do. He would go and confide in Trip. That sounded good.

TBC

**Let me know what the verdict is. Is it good, bad, or something else? Should I continue? Please leave a short or little review. You know I'd do it for you. LOL! Thanks.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to anything Star Trek. They are the property of CBS/Paramount. I am not making any money off of this. I am playing with the characters and their world for fun only. Thanks.**

**Here's the next chapter dealing with Archer and Trip's little chat. I hope I stayed true to the characters, while working with my storyline. Please read and review. Thank you so much for those of you that do read and review. It means a lot to me. I try to return the favor whenever I can. Thanks again so much to RadcliffePotter for beta reading for me, even through her series of unfortunate events. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 2**

**The Talk**

Several times Archer had almost turned around and gone back to his quarters, as he was trying to make his way up to Engineering. It wasn't Trip's shift, but the devoted engineer was pulling a double one. One of the warp nacelles was acting "wonky", as Trip had put it, and he wanted to run some major diagnostics on it. This would be possible since _Enterprise _was cruising leisurely at one-quarter impulse power to allow the various science teams more time to study the gas giants. Trip had taken a little time off to play basketball, but he had planned to shower and go right back to Engineering afterwards.

The Captain was having second thoughts about having a talk with his best friend. He was torn in two. Part of him wanted someone to share all his bottled up feelings with and get some good advice. But another part of him was worried that Trip would think he was a total ass. Archer was afraid Trip might lose his respect for him. However, the Captain's need to unburden the weight around his heart with a friend's help was winning out.

As the Captain entered Engineering, he started to lose his nerve again. It was disquieting not to hear and feel the gentle thump and beat of the warp engine. It had always been a source of comfort for Archer. He was about to do an about face and leave, when Trip noticed him and then it was too late. "Hi ya, Cap'n," the chief engineer called to him cheerfully in his definitely Southern accent. "What brings ya to my humble domain this late at night?"

Archer had to say something, so he said what he needed to say. "Do you have some time to talk, Trip? I, um, uh, I need to talk to somebody, and you seemed like the best person to talk to." The Captain couldn't meet the commander's eyes as he stammered.

Trip instantly knew something was wrong. He saw it in the Captain's demeanor and heard it in the Captain's voice. His friend was in trouble. This was something new. Jonathan Archer needed to talk to him? Usually it was the other way around. If the Captain needed him, however, Trip would gladly help his captain and best friend. It was kind of flattering to have Jonathan Archer seeking _his_ help. "Sure, Cap'n," he replied and slid down the sides of the ladder from the catwalk above. "I was just about to take a break and grab some pecan pie from the mess hall. Do ya want to join me?" Trip asked as he strode over to his friend.

Archer appreciated Trip's subtleness and causal manner. This was not a situation that needed any unwanted attention. "That sounds great, Trip. Thanks," he answered. The two men headed back out of Engineering and down the hall, heading in the direction of the turbolift to take them down a deck to the mess hall. "I'm sorry if this is bad timing," Archer then said to Trip.

"I was really gonna take a break, Cap'n," Trip told Archer honestly. "I've been at it for hours now and still haven't found the problem. I need to step away and come back with fresh eyes." Trip glanced at the Captain with a little concern. Archer seemed very agitated, scared even. The chief engineer had learned a long time ago how to read his friend. He hadn't seen Jonathan Archer like this for quite a while and it worried him. What was wrong?

"We're technically off duty, Trip. You can call me Jon right now," Archer commented softly. His resolve was failing him once again. He wanted to bolt back down the hall in the opposite direction.

"What's goin' on, Jon?" Trip now asked, getting straight to the point. The commander never failed to speak his mind. That was one thing Archer really liked about the man. A person always knew where he stood with Trip. "I can tell somethin's really botherin' you. What's wrong?"

The Captain decided to start at the beginning and work up to his confession later. He would tell Trip about Tom's death first. "I received a message from Fergus Donnelly this evening," Archer finally said.

Trip was visibly startled by this piece of news. It wasn't what he had been expecting the Captain to say. "You got a message from 'Old Ironsides', huh?" Trip asked jokingly, trying to ease his friend's discomfort. The chief engineer had given Fergus that nickname years ago because once the Irishmen had made up his mind about something there was no changing it. He was one tough egg to crack. He handled all kinds of pressures well and took problems in their stride. "What does that Irish devil have to say?"

Archer couldn't help but smile, at least just a little bit. Trip had a way with words sometimes. "Unfortunately it wasn't good news, Trip," the Captain said still being evasive.

"Something hasn't happened to Mai has it?" Trip suddenly asked, panic creeping into his voice. If something awful had happened to Fergus' little sister that would explain what was the matter with his captain. It was an event that would really disturb Trip too. That girl was just an outstanding person and a loyal friend of Trip's as well as the Captain's.

The Captain breathed a sigh of relief that Trip's mind had instantly gone the same place that his had when Hoshi had first informed him of the message from Fergus. Maybe he wasn't as preoccupied with her as he had originally thought. "No, it's not Mai," Archer replied somberly. "It's -----," but Trip didn't let the Captain finish his sentence.

"It's Tom, huh?" the chief engineer interrupted Archer's explanation.

"Yeah." The Captain's voice was a whisper now. "He was killed in action about five weeks ago." The duo had now reached the turbolift and set it to go down to E deck where mess hall was located. As the doors closed Archer's body posture sagged with the burden he was carrying. He continued to tell Trip everything Fergus has said in his message. He told the commander about the funeral being closed casket; that Tom had been killed defending cargo haulers in the line of duty; and that Mai was not taking her husband's death well. Then Archer got to the part about Fergus' request to see if he could get Mai's MACO unit transferred to _Enterprise_.

By this time they had entered the mess hall and Trip had already claimed a piece of his beloved pecan pie. Archer had only grabbed a small cup of black coffee. "That would be a great idea, Jon," Trip said full of genuine enthusiasm. The commander would really enjoy seeing Mai again. She had a way of lighting up an entire room by just walking into it. "Bein' away from what happened and bein' among old friends might be just what she needs."

The Captain had been afraid that Trip would react that way. Of course the chief engineer would like to see Mai again. She had that effect on everybody. But for Archer it wouldn't be that easy. Under any other circumstances he would be jumping up and down to see Mai, but now because of Tom's death and the guilt he felt about it, seeing Mai again might be down right painful. The Captain wanted to be there for her and help her as Fergus wanted, but he didn't know if he could. The two friends seated themselves at a table towards the back of the mess hall for some privacy. There was hardly anyone in the large room anyway at this time of night, but Archer wanted as much seclusion as possible.

The long and drawn out silence from Archer didn't go unnoticed by Trip. He gently broke the uncomfortable quiet. "I take it you don't think havin' Mai aboard _Enterprise_ is such a hot idea?" the commander half stated, half asked.

The Captain continued to stare into his coffee as if it were the most interesting thing in the galaxy. He couldn't make himself look at Trip at all. He had lost his voice too. "Cap'n - Jon -," Trip quickly corrected himself, "what is it? Why's the cat got your tongue all of a sudden?" The chief engineer's question brought a brief smile to his friend's face, but it was gone almost as soon as it had appeared.

"I don't even know where to start, Trip," Archer spoke hoarsely and softly. "I have so much I need to talk about, but I can't bring myself to begin." His eyes didn't leave his mug.

Trip sat back a little. Obviously this was something very serious and something very troubling to his friend. Trip needed to give him time and help the Captain so that he could feel secure in speaking his mind. The commander was trying to work out in his own mind why Archer wouldn't want to see Mai again, or why he wouldn't want her assigned to the _Enterprise_. The Captain and Mai had been great friends. They could even finish each others sentences they were so close. She and Trip had been close, but not _that_ close. Mai and Archer also had so much in common with each other. They had the same tastes in everything from music to hobbies to food. What could have happened in the last few years to change that?

Then it hit Trip like a ton of bricks. Mai had married Tom, and Trip knew Archer didn't like Tom or how he behaved. He annoyed the hell out of Trip too, but for Mai's sake they had all embraced the egotistical, little brat. The Captain had never approved of Mai's choice of a husband and it had pushed them apart. Branson had been the reason Mai left Starfleet, something the chief engineer knew bugged his friend to no end. It had pissed Trip off too. Trip realized that Archer hadn't ever said anything to Mai about his reservations about Tom's character, for friendship's sake, but Archer had let his disapproval push him away from Mai.

Now Tom was dead. Maybe the Captain was regretting his grudge against the young MACO. Maybe the Captain didn't know what to say to Mai after all this time. "Jon," Trip broke the heavy silence again by reverently saying the Captain's name. "Don't you want to see Mai again? Are you still mad at her for marrying Tom in the first place?" Trip was direct, but he tried to do it tactfully.

Archer finally looked up from his coffee cup. Trip had never seen the look of total and pure despair in the Captain's eyes which he saw there now. It caused his own throat to tighten and he had to swallow the lump that formed there. "I was never mad at Mai, Trip," Archer replied harshly. "And I would do almost anything to see her again, but---," he broke off unable to finish.

What was going on? Trip had never seen Archer like this. He was always so sure of himself, so confident, so in control. He wasn't now. "But what?" Trip demanded.

"This was a mistake," the Captain said suddenly switching gears. "I shouldn't have bothered you." He made to stand. Trip's strong hand clamped onto his shoulder and held him in his seat.

"Hold on a minute," Trip told his friend firmly. "You obviously really need to talk or you wouldn't be here. You need to get out whatever it is that's eatin' at ya or you're gonna go nuts. I'm willin' to listen. I'm here to help you, but you have to let me. Just spit it out."

Archer thought about fighting Trip off and sprinting for the door and down the hall, but he knew that would be foolish and do him no good. He had to face this sooner or later. Trip would be sympathetic. But it was so hard to confess what he had been hiding for so long. The chief engineer had partly realized what was wrong, but not fully. Trip remembered that he had never thought well of Tom Branson, but his friend didn't know the real reason why.

"I have something to confess, Trip," Archer said, his voice barely a whisper, but Trip heard him. "It's something I didn't plan for and I am very ashamed of, but it needs to be said. I haven't ever told anyone what I'm about to tell you." The Captain stopped and gave Trip a cursory glance to try and gauge his friend's reaction.

Trip's handsome face had grown very thoughtful. His bright, blue eyes were still trying to find Archer's. "Okay," the chief engineer replied slowly. "I'm listenin'. And it won't go beyond this table." He removed his hand from the Captain's shoulder and sat back in his seat across from his friend.

"You'll probably hate me when I'm finished, but at least hear me out," the Captain pleaded. Trip just looked at him expectantly, his face now appearing open and attentive. What could possibly make him hate Jonathan Archer? Trip couldn't come up with a single thing. Archer finally chose to dive in and go for it. "I wasn't angry with Mai for marrying Tom because Tom influenced her to leave Starfleet or because I believed Tom was not ideal husband material. Sure those things were and are true, but the stemmed from something larger." Here he paused, taking a deep breath, and at last he met Trip's eyes with his own hazel-green ones. "I didn't want Mai to marry Tom because I was in love with her, Trip. And…I still _am_ deeply and undeniably in love with her." There, he had actually said the words. He felt the blood rush to his face, felt its warmth, and knew his cheeks were a bright shade of red as he finished.

To the chief engineer's credit he didn't let his jaw drop open. He forced his face to remain passive as he took in Archer's words and their meaning. Jonathan Archer had been in love with Mai, like romantic, passionate, love? The Captain had never acted in word or deed to portray himself as anything more than Mai's best friend and counselor. But on some unconscious level, Archer's admission made sense. There had been subtle indications of Archer's affection for Mai, but Trip had always either misinterpreted them or assumed that they meant something else. The Captain's animosity towards Tom and his heartbreak at her leaving Starfleet took on a whole new context for Trip. He couldn't believe he hadn't recognized what was happening to his friend. All the signs had been there, but Archer never once stepped out of bounds or acted out of character in any of his conduct, so Trip had missed them.

The Captain wasn't finished with his confession. "What I have to say next is what's going to make you hate me, Trip," Archer explained and held up his hand to stop whatever Trip's argument was going to be. "For six years I've had this…dark desire… that something bad would happen to Tom, so that Mai could be mine for the taking. I've wished for it, fantasized about it, and yearned for it. I let Mai marry Tom out of my own weakness and inability to let her know how I felt. I thought I could be the bigger man and let her make her own choice.

"Well, I have learned since then that I can't be the bigger man. I am full of envy, jealousy, and a lot of anger. I hated Tom and I wanted him dead. I don't know how or why I let myself indulge in such horrible thoughts, but from time to time I do. Now Tom is really dead and I can't face Mai because of the evil and misguided feelings and attitudes I've nursed all these years." He stopped and dropped his eyes back to his coffee mug again. His face literally burned with embarrassment and vulnerability. He now waited for whatever Trip's reaction was going to be. He braced himself for a maelstrom of revulsion and repugnance to hit him. The Captain's hands had started to shake, so he set his coffee cup down on the table. Then he leaned back in his chair, away from Trip.

Trip didn't keep him waiting long, but his reaction wasn't the one Archer was expecting. "Oh, boy, Jon," the commander said softly as he blew out a large amount of air. He leaned forward, placing his elbows on the table and folding his arms in front of him. "This is the first time that you've told anybody about this, about how you feel?" At Archer's curt nod Trip continued. "You've never told Mai about this either?" Trip couldn't believe what he was hearing. Jonathan Archer _did_ have weaknesses after all. He knew that everyone had some kind of weakness, but he had never yet, in all their years of friendship, seen Archer's weakness. And who would've thought it would be over a woman as well.

"No," was the one word whisper the chief engineer got in response to his question.

"Well, why the hell not?" That was the only next question Trip could think to ask, which he asked very incredulously.

Archer seemed to cringe and he looked at the floor now. "I've been wondering that myself for years. I think I didn't want to scare her away. She was such a good friend that I didn't want to ruin the close relationship we _did_ have if she didn't feel the same way. I was afraid she wouldn't look at me the same or treat me the same if she knew how I really felt. I didn't what to screw things up," the Captain answered quietly.

"But how do ya know she didn't feel the same way?" Trip questioned gently.

"She married Tom didn't she?" Archer came back at Trip with a question of his own. It came out more forcefully than he had intended it to.

"Only cause you never said anythin' to her about how ya felt," Trip told his friend honestly. "You never once tried to stop her or talk her out of marryin' Tom that I know of."

The Captain's head snapped up and his eyes flashed with a smoldering fury. "I couldn't, Trip. It wasn't my place. Mai seemed so happy that Tom was marrying her. It was all she talked about. Her face lit up every time she mentioned him. And after what happened up at Monroe's cabin, it was pretty clear what her choice was."

Trip sat back in his chair again. He was really confused now. The excursion up to Colonel Jeffery Monroe's cabin had been over six years ago, a whole year before _Enterprise_ made its way into space. It was right after Archer was promoted to captain and right when Tom had asked Mai to marry him. In fact, if Trip remembered correctly, it was on that outing that Mai and Tom had announced their engagement. The commander wasn't aware of anything happening between Archer and Mai that would make his friend clam up in such an extreme manner.

The trip had been really fun, a blast even, as the chief engineer recalled. It had been partly a Christmas vacation and partly an extreme conditions survival training exercise. Colonel Monroe had always liked to be practical and recreational at the same time. His was a MACO commander that worked well with both MACO and Starfleet personnel. He got along with both divisions and had been commissioned to train both groups in the skills they would need to survive in life and death situations. He was a hard ass, but after that he was very likeable.

The cabin had been located deep within the Sierra Nevada range, on the California side, near Kings Canyon National Park, east of Fresno. The high peaks were isolated and perfect for roughing it. The Colonel had also refused to furnish the cabin with many of the technological advances that Trip and his friends had come to depend upon. The Colonel liked to do things the old-fashioned way. Even a convenience like electricity was only used at a bare minimum. Kerosene lamps and a fire place with a huge hearth were preferred over electric powered heaters and lights. The group had included Archer, Trip, Mai, Tom, A.G Robinson, a young female ensign named Diana Bradford, and a young MACO corporal named Ellen Bates. There were eight of them if you counted the Colonel.

"What happened up at Colonel Monroe's cabin?" Trip queried. "I thought that was a great trip. We all passed with flyin' colors and then had fun celebratin' Christmas. As I recall, you and Mai performed the best out of alla us. You both have that drive to excel in everythin' ya do. In fact, didn't you guys find the cabin first, before all the resta us?" As the question came out of Trip's mouth, realization dawned on him. "Yeah, you guys had teamed up and beat us all to the cabin. You located it in the middle of a blizzard with no map and no compass. I never knew how ya guys managed to do that so quickly. You must've of made it there hours before we did. Is that when whatever happened, happened?"

Leave it to Trip to work it all out. At the time Mai and Archer had convinced everyone that they just prepped the cabin, heating it, cooking a meal, lighting it up, while they waited for everyone else. The Captain wondered if Trip would remember the rest. Sure enough, the commander did. "And hadn't one or botha ya either fallen through some ice or into the river and gotten soakin' wet? The Colonel had all our luggage and no spare clothin' in the cabin so you guys hadta strip outta your wet clothes and use blankets and towels to get dry and stay warm," Trip expounded his memory.

Now that Trip thought about it, those were very seductive and tempting conditions for Archer if he had been that much in love with Mai. At the time it had seemed a harmless situation because no one had ever suspected that the two were more than friends. "What exactly happened up there, Jon? What went on between you and Mai? It had to be somethin' big for you to be feelin' this way, but then again, she did still marry Tom. Can't you tell me what it was?" Trip asked as humbly as he could.

Archer had frozen as Trip put everything together. Something that could have been wonderful had happened between he and Mai, but for some reason Fate decided to ruin it all. And it was all because he hadn't had the courage to say anything or take any kind of action. The Captain felt the anguish over the whole situation hit him anew. Damn it! He was not going to cry, but the tears were forming anyway. "Jon," Trip prompted when Archer remained silent.

The Captain leaned forward and covered his face with his hands. "You really don't want to hear all this do you, Trip?" Archer mumbled through his hands.

"Hey, what're friends for?" Trip gently chided. "Of course I wanna hear it all. I need hear it all to understand what happened so I can help you deal with it. I'm sorry I didn't realize any of this before. I feel like I've let you down or somethin'."

Those comments caused Archer to remove his hands from his face and look at the chief engineer. "You've never let me down, Trip. We've both made mistakes, but at least you learn from yours, even from that tragic Cogenitor incident. You couldn't have known about any of this. I purposely hid it from everyone, even, I suppose, myself at times. I thought I had gotten it out of my system these last few years with all the missions and the crises we've gotten involved in. They were a good distraction, but not a solution. I still haven't dealt with what's truly in my heart. I'm not the leader everyone thinks I am. I'm a hypocrite in so many ways." The Captain's voice was tremulous and a few tears trailed down his cheeks. He wiped them away, more embarrassed than ever.

"No you're not, Jon," Trip immediately responded. "You're a human bein'. You have faults and flaws like everyone else. Just cause you're a starship captain you're not infallible, nor should you be. I'm actually glad to see this side of you. It's reassurin'. Nobody's perfect, Jon, nobody. You have weaknesses to overcome, but so do I. So do people like Malcolm and Hoshi."

The Captain appreciated Trip's attempt to make him feel better, but he wouldn't have it. "But as a starship captain, I have to be an example. Wishing somebody was dead, so you can steal his girl, is _not_ setting a good example. My thoughts and actions need to be united with each other, if others are depending upon me," he tried to explain.

"That's true in some regards," Trip acknowledged, but added his two cents in. "But even good people have internal struggles, demons to wrestle with. Hell, even Vulcans do too." Trip was referring to T'Pol's brief addiction to Trellium and how unstable it made her ability to control her emotions. She had overcome the addiction to the substance, but she was still trying to come to terms with the new intensity of her emotions and her difficulties in suppressing them like other Vulcans could. "What I'm tryin' to say is, don't be so hard on yourself. Let's help you come to terms with all this so you can move on properly. Then you can work on bein' an example again. Tell me what happened up at the cabin," Trip said a little more forcefully this time.

"Alright, Trip," the Captain let himself cave into the earnest request. If he was going to be able to move passed what he was feeling, he needed to confess everything. "I'll tell you what happened."

TBC

**Please let me know what you think? Good? Bad? Something else? This is more to come, but I need to know if people like it and want more. Just use the little review button below. Thanks.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to anything Star Trek. They are the property of CBS/ Paramount. I'm not making any money off of this. I'm only playing with the characters and their world for fun. Thanks.**

**A/N: I'm sorry to have taken so long to update this story. Please read and ****review****. Let me know if I'm going a good job with the story and the characters. Feedback is very important to me as a writer. This chapter starts Archer's explanation to Trip about what happened between him and Mai up at Monroe's cabin. I will get to the actual incident a little later in the story. This chapter helps set things up. The parts in **_**italics **_**are to indicate a flashback or a memory Captain Archer is sharing with Trip. The regular type indicates the present and deals with Archer and Trip's discussion of the memories. I hope that makes sense. Also, let me know what you think of Mai. Later I will be asking my readers' opinions on some decisions Archer will need to make, so please review. Enough begging? Thanks to all of those of you who have left a review. You guys are great!!!!**

**Special thanks to LadyRainbow for her editing and suggestions for improvement.**

**Chapter 3**

**The Excursion**

Archer was relieved that Trip was not angry with him and hadn't passed any judgment upon him. The Captain started his explanation with the outing up into the mountains, as a way of putting things into context for the chief engineer. The commander would be familiar with most of the story, but there were bits and pieces he had been not privy to before, such as small instances that Archer had shared just with Mai. There were facts Trip needed to know so he could see the whole picture, not just the portions he already had knowledge of. All of it came back to the Captain as he talked and forced himself to remember that cold December weekend over six years ago. He still could picture how it all started.

_"Hey ya, Jonny boy," Mai had greeted him one late and chilly November evening as he was leaving Starfleet Command, her Irish brogue as thick as Fergus'. _

_It had been a total shock to see her. She wasn't dressed in her usual MACO camouflage grays either. She had on a beautiful, red evening gown. Her honey colored blonde hair was done up in a lovely French twist. The dress fit her figure perfectly, and its thin straps gave him a pleasant view of her fair skin. The dress was long, but had a nice slit up her left leg. Her blue-gray eyes sparkled with an intense excitement. She wore deep, red colored, high-heeled shoes that laced around her thin ankles. The petite, dangling, red earrings she had on completed her stunning look. Archer had thought he had died and gone to heaven when he saw her. He hadn't seen her in months, talk to her yes, but not gotten to take in her beauty. It took his breathe away every time he laid eyes on her. It had now for at least the last four years._

_"Hey, Mai," he responded to her greeting, pleased to see her. "What brings you to my neck of the woods, this time of night, and dressed so fancy?"_

_Mai had flashed him one of her one hundred watt smiles. She was on fire about something. Archer could almost feel her giddiness. "I 'ave a proposal for ya. Tommy and I were just at the new openin' of the east wing of the Cochrane Museum and we ran into Colonel Monroe. He had good things to say 'bout Starfleet and all the progress ye lads are makin'," she began. It was fairly obvious that she had just rushed over to Starfleet Command from the event to talk him. Mai knew about his workaholic habits. His friend had truly piqued his interest in her forthcoming proposal. _

_It didn't surprise Archer that Monroe had nice things to say about Starfleet's work these days. Colonel Jeffrey Monroe was one MACO commander who was very supportive of Starfleet and was eager to see it succeed. He specialized in military training and tactics for all Starfleet personnel. He wanted them to be prepared for whatever the new era of space travel could throw at them. "How is old Jeff these days?" Archer had asked, trying not to be noticeable in his perusal of Mai's appearance. He literally drank her in._

_"Just fantastic," Mai had gushed. Archer couldn't help but smile back at her enthusiasm. "He invited Tommy and meself up to his cabin for Christmas. He wants ta make it a little survival trainin' expedition as well. He asked me if I knew any Starfleet personnel that mighta be interested in goin' too. I coudn'ta think of three better ones than yerself, Trip, and A.G. Whatda ya say? Would ya want ta go?" Mai was out of breath by the time she was finished. She was really excited about the idea. It touched him that she had wanted to ask him about the trip almost immediately after she found out about it herself. She was always thinking of others._

_Her excitement had been very contagious. The idea had really appealed to Archer. He hadn't really made any plans for Christmas yet, and this opportunity to spend time with Mai was perfect. He liked the idea of receiving some more expert training from Monroe and being up in the mountains as well. Jeffrey Monroe was kind of a hero to Archer and his many of his Starfleet associates. It would be an honor to be invited to his cabin. "I'd love to Mai. Thanks for thinking of me and the others. Who's all going?"he had then asked._

_"A few other MACOs and maybe one or two other Starfleet people," Mai had answered. "It'll be great ta have Tommy along too. I 'aven't gotten ta see much of 'im lately. At first he didn't think he coulda go, but he's gonna try and work it out."_

"So, you were really into Mai before the excursion, huh?" Trip asked bringing the Captain back to the present. He asked because of the way his friend had described Mai.

"Yeah," Archer answered and blushed. "I'd been _into_ Mai, as you put it, for at least a few years by that point. It started out with little things. Her voice would wash over me like a summer's rain. Her laugh would send sparks through me. My heart would speed up when I got too close to her. Her willingness to help others drew me to her. Her sense of adventure excited me. And her thirst for knowledge endeared her to me. Eventually I had to admit I was in love with her."

Trip grew contemplative for a minute, and then he asked, "What caused you to realize that you wanted to be more than Mai's friend and mentor. I mean was there some key event that triggered your awareness?"

"There was," Archer confessed. "During a water polo game. Mai was playing for a rival team and you know how competitive she can get."

"And you too," Trip said with a chuckle, remembering the earlier basketball game.

"True," the Captain conceded with a brief smile, but it faded quickly. "Mai and I seemed to come up against each other time and again through out the entire game. Something about wrestling around in the water with her, her skin touching mine, I don't know, but that was when things changed for me. I liked the way she felt. I wanted her more than a friend should after that."

After a wistful pause and a painful clearing of his throat, Archer changed the subject a little. The Captain admitted to the chief engineer that he had been sorely disappointed that Tom had been invited to go along. It would be Christmas, and he was hoping to use the time to be with Mai without Tom around. The young MACO was originally going to go home to St. Louis, Missouri to be with his family and Mai wasn't going to go with him. She was involved in a special leadership training course in San Francisco and couldn't leave. Instead, Tom cut his journey home short, and Mai was able to use the excursion as part of her leadership MACO training. This allowed them to now spend Christmas together.

"You do remember the 'wilderness test', right, Trip?" Archer asked Trip next.

"Yeah, that was a tough one…havin' to find the cabin without a map or compass, no watches, no phase pistols…in the middle of a snowstorm at dusk! And it wasn't meant to be 'extremely difficult', just 'mildly so'! Geez!" Trip replied as he recalled the event.

It had been arranged through Colonel Monroe to have a shuttle fly them up to a meet point and then a snowcat would take them out into the wilderness several kilometers from the actual cabin site. The test would be for the seven of the Colonel's guests to find their way to the cabin without a map or a compass. The group would have to traverse a vast wilderness in freezing cold conditions, in the middle of a snow storm, starting at dusk. Proper winter survival equipment would be provided and handed out to the Colonel's guests, but the clothing they chose to wear would be up to them. Any rations or supplies needed would also be up to them. No compasses, no maps, and no watches would be allowed. Items like flashlights, Swiss army knives, lighters, lengths of rope, and so on would be allowed, but no phase pistols. The group could have a simple backpack to carry all their gear with them. Water and snacks had been highly recommended.

"And none of us had ever been up to the Colonel's cabin, and we weren't given any directions to it or where its exact location was," Archer then supplied.

"That was all part of his 'test'," Trip said. "We had to study the situation out and come up with our own information. But later we had a lot of fun up there."

After all of the members of the Colonel's party made it to the cabin, they had then relaxed and enjoyed the holiday season together. Monroe had stocked the cabin with plenty of delicious foods, games, and recreational activities. The group would have to put up with the Colonel's old-fashioned way of doing things, but then getting away from the hustle and bustle of city life had been welcome to all of them.

"We sure did," the Captain said, wistful once again. "Just being with Mai was worth it for me." Archer then continued on with his memories for Trip's benefit.

_Mai had sat next to Tom in the shuttle, talking admittedly with him the entire time. Archer had been irritated that he couldn't sit and talk with her himself. He concentrated his attention on Trip, A.G., and Ensign Bradford for the time being. When the shuttle set down in a nondescript, snow-drenched clearing, the group divided into pairs. There were two snowcats it turned out, and they were not the large, multi-passenger type. They only held four people each. A snowcat was a large vehicle with treads on it, like a tank, instead of wheels or tires. They were excellent for transporting people threw heavy snow where a plow couldn't get through even. _

_The Colonel tried to mix the group up, putting two MACOs with two Starfleet personnel. The Captain purposely maneuvered himself so that it would be he and Diana Bradford with Mai and Ellen Bates. He had to have some time with just Mai and not his friends or Tom. Trip had laughed it off at the time as a joke that the Captain wanted all the pretty girls to himself. Little did he know that there was one of those girls that Archer _did_ want all to himself. _

_Archer hadn't seen Mai in almost a month, since she had invited him on the excursion, and that had been way too brief a meeting for the Captain. He now felt like he was going through withdrawal. His new responsibilities as a captain and his oversight on the finishing touches of Enterprise kept him incredibly busy. Mai, who was almost through with her MACO leadership training, had been equally exceptionally busy. She was an officer and was qualifying to increase her rank. It had been terribly frustrating for Archer. He tended to be snappish with people, even his friends. He didn't sleep well and he felt tired all the time. _

_The instant they sat down in the snowcat's seats he struck up a conversation with Mai. "You seem even more chipper than usual, Sergeant Donnelly," he quipped. "What's up?"_

_The sergeant turned to face him and he was in awe of her whole appearance. Though she was dressed in layers of warm clothing and a sleek, dark blue, Gore-Tex snowsuit with accompanying coat, boots, gloves, scarf, and blue knitted hat, she was stunning. The bits of honey blonde hair that showed out from under the hat seemed to glow. Her blue-gray eyes shone with an inner intensity and her cheeks were flushed from the cold. _

"_Well, Jonny lad," she began in her Irish brogue, "I have somethin' rather excitin' to tell ye." She paused for dramatic effect, making sure she had her good friend's attention. "Tommy asked me to marry 'im and I said yes. I'm a gettin' married." She pulled off the glove on her left hand to show Archer the exquisite, yet tasteful diamond ring that now adorned its ring finger. "See," she said as she flashed it in front of him._

_It took everything in him to hide the shock, horror, and heartbreak that hit him like a baseball bat to his gut. That should've been a ring he had given her, not one from a scoundrel like Tom Branson. Archer put on a happy face and force himself to say, "That's absolutely wonderful, Mai. I'm so happy for you." All the while he had to consciously keep the bile in his stomach from rising into his throat. She couldn't be choosing to marry Tom, she just couldn't._

_"Thanks, Jonny, me boy," Mai replied enthusiastically. "He surprised me last night. He tried ta be romantic 'bout it, but ya know howa he can over do it a wee bit. Overall, it was very nice though." Archer had thought he detected a note of disappointment in her voice as she said the last bit. He chalked it up to his wishful imagination._

_"That's great, Mai," Archer heard himself say, but it was almost like it was somebody else saying it. "Have you set a date yet?" he managed to ask._

_"Well," Mai answered and then paused. Her eyes seemed to dim for a moment. "Tommy be wantin' a fall weddin' and I be wantin' a summer weddin', so we're gonna haveta work all that out," Mai explained. Her voice sounded a little strained to Archer, but again he thought his own desires were influencing his perception of Mai's attitude. That was how he would want her to sound. He was also just enjoying the way Mai talked. Her Irish accent always sent small shivers of delight up his spine. It was very enchanting. The Captain had realized he would want a summer wedding as well, somewhere outside, like Golden Gate Park. It would be warm, colorful, and full of life, everything in bloom, green leaves on the trees, and so on. That would be perfect for him._

_The two other women in the snowcat, Bradford and Bates, went nuts about Mai's wedding announcement and cut off anymore discussion Archer wanted to have with her about it. They peppered her with questions about the proposal and Mai's initial wedding plans. The Captain listened in, silently wishing it was he and Mai they were talking about, and not Tom and Mai. When Mai had held out her hand to show him the ring, he had so wanted to take the small, slim, and feminine hand in his own. The temptation to touch her warm skin had almost been overwhelming. Mai's mere presence lately made his whole body tingle and feel more electrified. He cursed himself for what he had deemed inappropriate emotions towards a friend; at least she wasn't his subordinate anymore. He knew he had to stop himself, but it was probably too late._

Trip interrupted the Captain's tale here by asking, "So you heard the announcement straight from Mai? She told you directly?"

"Yep," Archer told him. "It came right out of the horse's mouth. Did she tell you too?"

"No," Trip said shaking his head and leaning back in his chair again; his precious pecan pie was still untouched on the table. "I heard it from Tom. He was braggin' about it all the way up to the drop off point. I thought A.G. was gonna kill 'em for it. I couldn't believe it when I heard it. Why Mai would say yes to that little prick I'll never know. I mean, it was because of him she left Starfleet and everythin'. What did she see in him anyway?" Trip asked in contempt.

"When Tom was attentive to her, he was _very_ attentive, at least that's what she told me, and he was the guy all the girls wanted to be with. He had the looks, the popularity, and a lot of charm when he wanted to. I think Mai originally saw it as a challenge to catch his attention. She could never resist a challenge. I believe it started out as bet with her and some of the girls at Starfleet Training. It got out of control and she got too caught up in the whole game herself. She got to the point where she needed Tom's affection just to feel good about herself. Hell, I'm not a psychologist, but Mai was never one to do things half-assed. She's an all or nothing type of girl. She might have decided that she had to finish what she started. Maybe she really loved the jerk. I don't know," was Archer's response. "I'll I know is that it broke my heart, especially her leaving Starfleet."

Trip had another question or two. "After we got dropped off, got our equipment, and the Colonel told us to pair off, how did you get teamed with Mai? Did you rig that?"

Archer furnished his friend with a light smile. "I wish I could take credit for that, but it was actually Monroe's idea. Since Mai and I were both in leadership positions and of opposing divisions, you know Starfleet and the MACOs; he decided it would be beneficial that we work together. By that time she had surpassed Tom and was at a rank higher than he was. Her leadership training would put her another rank above that. He was a corporal, whereas, she was going to be a major. She and Tom got around the no fraternization rule by making sure that they were in totally separate and distinct MACO units. Plus, Tom was famous for bending the rules where and when he could. I honestly don't know how he got away with it, but he did. And Mai was so good at what she did; I think their superiors cut them some slack.

"Anyway, being paired with her thrilled me at the time. It was finally the break I'd been looking for. Mai and I would have some 'alone' time. After she told me of her engagement, it really spurred me on to want to tell her how I truly felt. I was really going to confess to her, like I just did with you, but it never happened. Events just conspired against it, and I chickened out once again." Archer hung his head, ashamed of his lack of action.

Trip shook his head again, this time at himself. "I can't believe I didn't pick up on any of it. What the hell was wrong with me?"

That comment actually got a chuckle to come out of the Captain. "As I remember you were preoccupied with a dazzling red head named Ellen Bates. You only had eyes for her that entire expedition. As I recall, you two got paired up, and from then on, you were a goner."

"Oh, yeah," Trip admitted, and a sheepish grin spread across his face. "She was a cute and feisty, little woman. She was good at her profession too, a real soldier. We fought and argued the whole time, but it was kinda fun. And later we mended our differences," Trip finished with a meaningful look at Archer. Then he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "It's a pity that it didn't go anywhere after that."

"Spare me, Mr. Ladies' Man," Archer joked with Trip lightly. "There was a time when you would've had a girl in every port. T'Pol's been a good influence on you."

Now it was Trip's turn to blush. "This conversation ain't about me, Jon," the chief engineer tried to get the subject changed back to Archer's story. "It's about you and Mai."

"Yeah, okay," the Captain said and sighed, his momentarily joviality evaporating. "Where was I?"

"We'd been ridin' up to the drop off point and Mai dropped her bombshell on you," Trip supplied for him. The Captain continued from where he had left off.

_After Mai had given her proclamation, the rest of the ride in the snowcat was pure misery for Archer. He kept seeing her smiling face as she announced that Tom and she were getting married. It wounded him deeply. The large and bulky treads on the snowcat moved too slowly for his liking. Looking out the window didn't help either. All he saw was white everywhere he looked. Archer knew that they were in the Sierra Nevada range somewhere south of San Francisco. He had done his homework before he came._

_Knowing the lay of the land and a general sense of one's environment was one of the key means to survival in such harsh and unforgiving conditions as these were going to be. Archer had researched everything about Colonel Monroe's "undisclosed" cabin he could. He had even chatted up the Colonel's wife, Elise, to find out more about where the cabin was situated. The Captain had learned that it was only a few kilometers outside of Kings Canyon National Park, near Yosemite National Park. Kings Canyon National Park contained the deepest canyon in the entire United States. Its maximum depth was two point four kilometers deep. The canyon had been carved out by glaciers out of granite. There was only one point accessible by motor vehicle, Cedar Grove, and that was only in the late spring and summer. To the east of the canyons were the high peaks of the Sierra Crest. The highest point in the park was North Paradise at over 4,000 meters high. _

_The area was classic Sierra country – barren alpine ridges and glacially scoured lake-filled basins that were only snow free from late June until early October. The high country was only accessible via foot or horse in most areas this time of year. Shuttles even had a hard time in the high elevation and cold, not because of them but, because of the wind shear they created. The park also preserved several groves of giant sequoia redwood trees. Kings River ran through the park and lead to many spectacular waterfalls and lake-filled valleys. Part of the park contained a mixed conifer forest. All in all, the park was visually stunning and extremely scenic. But it was also under five meters of new snow with another meter or more predicted to hit that evening._

_The cabin, the Captain had discovered, was originally part of a lodge, just outside of the park, where visitors used to come and stay at as they toured Kings Canyon and Yosemite National Parks. Archer pulled up as many images of the old lodge, key landmarks around the area, and types of vegetation and water sources, as he could. A small lake lay only two or three hundred meters from the main lodge area. He was confident that he would be able to recognize and identify the cabin through his extensive study of its surroundings. He had been an Eagle Scout, earning twenty-six merit badges. He knew how to be prepared. The Captain also refreshed his memory about how to use the wind, the moon, and the stars to find his direction. It would be night and he might need the natural signs for navigation. He looked up how to make a make-shift compass out of a needle and a glass of water, should he need it. Technically the needle and water were allowed on the excursion; they wouldn't be a compass until assembled._

_Now as he gazed out the snowcat's window, he was really glad he had taken the time to figure things out. The vastness of the valley they were heading toward was breathtaking. As far as the eye could see were snowy plains, snow covered pines, firs, spruces, hemlocks, and even giant redwood sequoia trees, jagged rock faces, mountainous cliffs, and more snow. This little winter survival game might not be so easy after all. And it was damned cold too. After another few minutes the snowcat pulled to a stop. The second one was not far behind. They were literally in the middle of nowhere. The whiteness of everything was throwing off his sense of direction. He was sure just a minute ago, but now…_

_Mai had bounded out of the snowcat in one giant leap for such a small woman. Archer could tell she was just chomping at the bit to get going. She loved this. Colonel Monroe had then laid out the ground rules one more time. He too, was dressed warmly, and his normally salt and peppered colored hair was covered in a bright orange knit cap. _

_His low, baritone voice seemed to echo around the group. "The first ones to the cabin will receive special commendations," he began and he raised his eyebrows meaningfully at them all. "I'm providing you with shovels, first aid kits, flares, a tarp, special sticks that if broken give off heat for a little while, a small and compact Sterno stove, a simple tool kit, and a large, wool blanket, and a few other cold weather supplies. Remember the restrictions: no maps, no compasses, no watches, or phase weapons. I take it that you all dressed appropriately?" His dark brown eyes swept over the group with the intensity of a hawk ready to dive bomb its prey._

_When he was satisfied with their appearance he began to pair everyone off: Archer and Mai, Trip and Ellen, A.G. and Tom (which made A.G. roll his eyes in complaint), and the Colonel and Diana. The Colonel would let Diana make all the decisions and show him what she knew. He would only assist if the situation turned life threatening. Again the pairings were chosen to have a Starfleet person with a MACO person to foster cooperation and tolerance between the two, sometimes antagonistic, branches of service._

"_The cabin is seven kilometers away, in some direction. It's around sixteen hundred hours and the sun has just set," the Colonel informed them with a wicked glint in his eyes. _

_There was no awe-inspiring sunset because of the heavy and dense cloud cover. It was already getting darker and colder. It would snow very soon. "I think I've timed this expedition perfectly. I want your paired teams to spread out, and then let I'll let you go one team at a time. I don't want you to influence or help each other. If any of you do fall into serious trouble, use the flares and wait for help. Unfortunately if that happens, you've failed the course. Good luck campers and Godspeed," the Colonel had said wishing them well. Archer had no intention of failing and he knew Mai's drive to succeed was just as strong as his. They were well-matched._

_The Captain decided to try and talk to Mai after they had gotten their bearings and they were well on their way. He had to say something to her before she made the horrible mistake of actually marrying Tom. They were to go first. Mai and Archer decided it was time to put their snowshoes on at this point in their adventure. They would make walking through the deep snow much easier and safer. As he and his lovely partner started to confer with one another about which direction to go, it started to snow. Big, heavy, and wet flakes began to fall. _

"_Oh this is just dandy," Mai cursed their luck as she shifted her backpack to one shoulder to get into it. She pulled off her hat to put on a dark blue, Lyrca mask that went half way down her neck and covered most of her face and head. Then she put her blue, knitted hat back on, and zipped her pack back up. She was well-prepared for the cold temperature._

_Archer laughed at her disgust. "Oh, come on, Mairead," he said using her full name, "it isn't that bad." It was a shame he could only see her eyes now, but what eyes they were._

"_Speak for yerself, Jonny me boy," she returned joking with him. She removed the mask from her mouth and nose for the moment, so he could understand her better. Then she turned serious. "Which way do ya think we shoulda go?"_

"_I was going to ask you the same question, Mai," Archer told her. He wanted to see if she remembered all the things he had taught her. He also had a dark blue, Lyrca winter mask to help keep his body heat in. He decided he would get his out and put it on too. His attire mirrored Mai's almost exactly, even the blue color. Both understood how important it was to stay warm in the frigid conditions of the high elevation at night. They were sure to keep their necks, wrists, and ankles protected, as well as their heads, to hold in their own body heat._

_Mai gave him a dirty look and stuck her tongue out at him. "I justa knew ya were gonna test me," she pretended to whine. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she really had been hoping he would test her. She always had to prove herself, show she knew what she was doing._

"_I'm waiting, Mai," he took on the role of her superior, just to tease her. She was no longer under his command, but he could still play it that way. _

_The young sergeant got a determined look on her face. She looked around her using all of her senses. She saw, heard, smelled, felt, and tasted her surroundings. Mai closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she started her analysis of the situation. "The wind tis blowin' from the north, bringin' the storm with it," she began, and then continued. "The peaks over there are the Sierra Crest, and they're easta Kings Canyon. The Colonel's cabin's about three kilometers westa Cedar Grove next to Kings Canyon, as I recall," she stopped then._

"_And?" the Captain prompted._

"_So we need to head southwest, which's thata way," she said pointing a direction opposite of the looming mountain tops, which she was facing, and a bit to her left. _

"_Southwest it is," Archer said and smiled warmly at her. She had studied the landmarks around the old lodge, park, and outlying areas too. He was very pleased with his one-time pupil. "We need to make sure we walk in straight line. We don't want to end up walking in circles. Look for two landmarks just ahead of us and line them up. Then do the same thing looking back behind us. Back marks are just as important as fore marks. We can also use the wind to keep us going in a straight line. If we keep the wind directed at the same part of our body and watch out for any changes in it, we should be just fine."_

_Mai seemed to listen attentively. She always was like a sponge with information. She just soaked it up and absorbed it. It made Archer feel good. It was nice that she still was willing to learn. The young sergeant never seemed bored by any of his explanations. "Aye, Jonny, I do believe that sounds like a good plan to me," she told him. With that they set out to find Colonel Monroe's cabin in the cold, the wet, and the dark. And the whole time Archer was trying to find a way to express how much he loved the woman who was one of his best and dearest friends._

TBC

**Please let me know how I did. **

**-Ladyhawke Legend :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to anything Star Trek. They are the property of CBS/ Paramount. I'm not making any money off of this. I'm only playing with the characters and their world for fun. Thanks.**

**A/N: This is a fun little chapter to show how Archer and Mai relate to each other. It's also a good touch on Archer and Trip's friendship. I didn't get much of a response on the last chapter and that worries me. ****Please, please leave a review! ****I need reviews like most people need oxygen. Does anybody like this story? Once I get done with this story, I want to know if people will be interested in a sequel. I'm thinking this story will be about three more chapters after this one. Thanks so much to LadyRainbow for her wonderful beta job and all her encouragement. Enjoy.**

**Chapter 4**

**The Trek**

"So both you and Mai had done all the grunt work to find out where the cabin was actually located before we got to the drop off point?" Trip interrupted his friend once again. "Ellen had done the same thing. I did some, but obviously not as much as ya all did. I shoulda listened to Ellen more; she really did know what she was talkin' about."

"You always did kind of rush through things, Trip," Archer commented softly. "You still do sometimes." He paused for a moment. 

"Yeah, you're right," Trip replied to both of the Captain's comments. Trip knew that Archer was right about how he sometimes did things too fast. As a kid he was always procrastinating until the last minute so that he had to be in a hurry to get his tasks or chores done. He was like that in school and flight school too. Starfleet Training had helped him overcome that flaw a little, but it was still part of who he was. 

"You need to eat your pie before it goes stale, Commander," the Captain then told his friend with a small smile. This one reached his eyes, at last. Trip was glad to see it. Maybe talking all this through was helping Archer. The chief engineer sure hoped it was.

"Oh, yeah," Trip said and laughed at himself. "I kinda forgot about it." He finally picked up his fork and dug into the delicious pecan pie on the table in front of him. It melted in his mouth. Chef really knew how to make a pie.

The Captain excused himself for a moment to refill his cup of coffee. When he sat back down Trip was after him to continue his story. "You gotta tell me how you guys found your way through that storm. As I remember, it got worse and worse. You couldn't see two meters in front of you. Ellen and I lost our way about ten times. We kept divertin' from the direction we needed to be headed in."

"Well, it wasn't easy, but Mai and I just clicked throughout the entire ordeal," Archer explained, another wistful look on his face. "She and I were on the exact same wave length with everything we thought and did. It was surreal, almost magical. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time."

_Both Archer and Mai had dawned headlamps with extremely powerful beams to see through the deepening darkness and thickening snowfall. The traveling was slow, even though they both had put their snowshoes on. The problem with meters and meters of snow was that it didn't all pack evenly. There were places that a person could sink down into it and get stuck. The snowshoes, if properly chosen for a person's weight, could allow a person to walk on top of the snow without sinking down into it. Snowshoes spread a person's weight out and distributed it, instead of having all the weight centralized. They were sort of like a raft that floated on top of the water. However, a person had to make sure they took into account the weight of their gear and packs for them to work the way they were intended to._

_The duo continued sighting two landmarks behind and in front of them to make sure that they didn't lose their sense of direction. All the giant trees and rocky ridges helped, but after awhile they started looking too much the same. It was damn near impossible to keep their sense of direction when the snow became blizzard-like and the wind kept shifting. _

"_Canna we stop and rest a minute?" Mai asked, her breathing sounded slightly labored to Archer._

"_Sure," the Captain answered her. "I think we're a little lost anyway. We need to get our bearings again."_

_Mai seemed relieved. Although she had layers and layers of warm and protective clothing on, Archer thought he saw her shiver. The temperature was continuing to drop; the last reading he had seen from the Colonel had said it was about minus three degrees Celsius, and the Captain figured the temperature had fallen at least another two or three degrees since then. It was extremely aggravating not to have a watch because Archer liked knowing how much time had pasted. It felt like they had been walking for hours, but it probably had only been an hour or so. "Let's move out of this clearing first though, and into the trees."_

_The young sergeant seemed to understand his concern. "Ya afraid of an avalanche, Jonny?"_

"_As a matter-of-fact I am, Mai," he told her. "I think there's a big gully up above us," he explained as he point to his right. "That's a prime suspect for an avalanche. Snow can accumulate deeply and quickly in an area like that, which increases the possibility of an avalanche."_

_Mai took up his explanation right where he stopped. She literally took the words right out of his mouth. "And the slopes around here are jist the right angle, 'bout thirty-five degrees in grade. The temperature earlier today was warmer than tis now, which would've allowed for some meltin' to a bin goin' on. That woulda weakened the layers underneath and with all this new snowfall addin' it's heavy weight, ya have the perfect conditions for an avalanche."_

"_Not to mention there are eight people out here walking around disturbing things," Archer added his two cents in. He was beaming inside with pride that Mai was thinking just like he was. She had really listened in all her classes and to all his advice. His respect for her abilities increased and the feelings of attraction were strongly fueled by all of this. She took this little training exercise as seriously as he did. It was wonderful. "The heavily forested areas will give us more protection, but---," he began again, and Mai finished for him._

"_But we can't assume that any vegetation will be all that protective if the beasty's big enough," she said, her eyes sparkling with mirth. _

"_Exactly," he confirmed, shaking his head in approval and humor. "The trees might slow it down or stop the cascade of snow and debris, but you never can be completely certain."_

_The two of them moved off into the trees, but not too far from their trail. They wanted to be sure they could start from where they left off. "So how do we go 'bout findin' our way, Cap'n?" Mai asked with a smile in her voice. She used his new rank just to give him a bad time. "We've got no stars, no moon, the wind keepsa shiftin', and we really can'ta see the slopes anymore to see which side has more snow on 'em."_

"_That_ is_ a problem," Archer admitted as he sat down on a huge, sequoia tree stump. "But I have a solution it," he then stated boldly._

_Mai looked at him skeptically, but was willing to go with his train of thought for the moment. "Okay, Jonny, let's 'ear it," she said as she sat down right next to him on the roomy tree stump._

_The Captain took his backpack off and began to rummage through it. Mai watched him, her interest seriously piqued. When he found what he wanted he pulled it out. Archer showed her a plastic container, sewing kit, and a thermos. Mai raised her eyebrows at him, but said nothing. He took off his gloves and handed them to her. He needed his hands free of their bulkiness to work his magic. The whole time he was hoping this would impress his beautiful companion. It was so unlike him, to be a show-off, but with Mai lately, he couldn't help it. _

_He then proceeded to pour some water out of the thermos and into the plastic container. The water had been kept warm in the special thermos that Archer had. He wanted to give himself some time before the water tried to freeze to get his plan to work. The Captain set the container down on the tree stump and also laid down a small piece of wood. Then he picked up the sewing kit._

"_Can I run this through your hair a few times?" he asked her, holding up a large sewing needle from inside the kit. "I need to magnetize the metal or polarize it. The static electricity in your hair would work very nicely," he told her with a large grin. He had pulled the mask off his nose and mouth, so Mai could see more of his face._

_Mai had done likewise with her mask. The look Mai gave him was priceless, part curiosity and part incredulity. "Come on, Mai," he said playfully, "trust me." Showing him that she did, she took off her headlamp, hat, and mask. She also removed her gloves to be able to handle the small object with dexterity. She then took the small, metal sewing needle from him and began to run it through her blonde locks. "Make sure you use strong, deliberate strokes and only stroke in one direction."_

"_Aye, lad," she replied. "I got ya."_

"_Hold on to it for a minute," he then instructed her, "while I put the wood in the water. Then I want you to place the needle on the piece of wood. If you magnetized the needle enough, the needle should align itself with a north-south line---," he was interrupted by Mai once again._

"_And we have ourselves our own home made compass!" she exclaimed as she understood what her good friend was doing. Archer watched her as she looked at him in amazement. "The things ya know, Jonny, and the things that ya teach me, are… remarkable," she gushed. She did as he advised and sure enough the little needle set about aligning itself with a north-south line. They now could find their way again. With knowing at least two directions they could discern the other two. "Also I really like 'ow ya got 'round the Colonel's no compass rule. You're brilliant, lad."_

_Archer had felt like he would explode with the rush of emotion he felt at Mai's words. He loved that he could always wow her, even with the little things. It was fun to teach someone who actually understood what he was doing and why, and it was fabulous that she got excited over it too. "It's just something I remember from being in the Boy Scouts. I did have to review the topic before we came up here, but I thought it might come in handy." _

_Suddenly Mai hugged him. Her arms slid around his back and she pulled them into an embrace. Her head lay on his chest. "I couldn'ta of asked for a better partner, Jonny. Thanks for just bein' you." _

_The Captain's heart had leaped into his throat. He set the make-shift compass down and returned her hug in earnest. It was a little awkward around all their bulk, with all their extra layers they were wearing, but it felt so damn good. His heart sped up and he couldn't help but let himself take in a deep breath of her hair. It smelled like peaches. Whatever shampoo she used, he loved it; it was a warm and inviting smell. He let himself get lost in the moment. He wished it would last forever. Here was Mai in his arms, holding him tightly. It was intoxicating._

_The petite sergeant seemed in no hurry to let him go either. She stayed in his arms like that for quite awhile, then she finally, and it seemed like somewhat reluctantly, let him go. Archer thought maybe he was imagining things, but a brief glance at her face seemed to confirm that she really didn't want to pull way. Her voice seemed more tremulous when she spoke. "We'd better git bundled up again and git a move on," she said. "We wanna make sure we beat the rest of 'em."_

"_Yeah," he replied a little distractedly, "we should."_

_Without further adieu, they stood and fixed their winter gear to protect them from the cold and the snow once again. With their new make-shift compass and what few landmarks they could make out, they found that they had strayed only a little ways off course. The fixed their bearings and headed again in a southwesterly direction, hoping that it wasn't too far to go now._

"So that's how you did it!" Trip exclaimed at Archer's explanation. "You'd think that by bein' an engineer that I could figure somethin' like that out, but no. Ellen and I both didn't know you could do somethin' like that. I guess I'm too into modern technology and conveniences to think of somethin' that old-fashioned."

"Sometimes the old ideas are the best ones," Archer laughed softly as he spoke.

"Ain't that the truth," Trip found himself saying. "So you impressed her and got a hug out of it, huh?" he now asked.

Archer became sorrowful again. "Yeah, and it was wonderful, but what if I was reading more into that hug than I should have? I mean it really made me think Mai might be willing to return my affection and be willing to listen to my confession, but what if that was just wishful thinking."

"Have you ever known Mai to do anythin' without a purpose?" Trip asked his friend.

"No," was the answer the chief engineer got.

"Were you expectin' her to hug ya? Did ya think your little stunt would get a hug from just anybody?" Trip queried. "I mean if you did that compass trick with me, who's also your friend, do ya think I'd gush over it like that and hug ya?"

The answer from Archer was again, "No." 

"So, doesn't it stand to reason that maybe, just maybe, Mai's had some type of deeper feelins' for you too?" Trip questioned, trying to get his friend to work the conclusion out for himself.

The Captain's mouth opened and then closed. Trip might be right. Mai might have felt more than friendship towards him. "But it also might have been the fact that she's a woman, and they tend to be more touchy-feely in their showing of gratitude."

"Ahh, come on, Jon," Trip said slightly exasperated. "Don't rationalize it away. To me it sounds like Mai was into you, just like you were into her."

"Then why did she run off and marry Tom? Answer me that question, Trip," Archer said, angry frustration rising in his voice. "Why didn't she say anything to me?"

Trip, who had finished his piece of pecan pie, pushed the plate away from him and glared at his friend. Then he rolled his eyes at Archer's pigheaded blindness. "Probably for the same reasons you couldn't say anythin' to her," he stated plainly.

The Captain flinched like Trip had hit him. The chief engineer was right. This whole time Archer had be thinking about the situation from only his point of view. What if Mai had felt the same way, but had been afraid that he didn't return her feelings and hadn't been able to bring herself to say anything? What if Mai had been in love with him, but thought that it might ruin their friendship by speaking about it? _Oh my God_, Archer thought, _I'm an idiot. I'm so totally stupid. And look what it cost me._

"You okay, Jon?' Trip asked gently. The Captain had grown still and silent. It made Trip start to worry again.

"No…..no I'm not," Archer whispered. "Oh Trip, I'm an idiot," he said out loud now. His hands shook so badly that he had to put the coffee cup back on the table. He finally put his head in his hands with his elbows resting on the table. "Her response to me in the cabin was real. She…we…oh… boy," he couldn't finish.

Trip could tell that his friend was about to break down. The commander realized he had just opened up the wound completely now. Instead of healing it, he'd made it worse. _Great goin' Tucker_, he though sourly. _Ya just put a nail in Jon's coffin._

Trip moved his chair so that he sat right next to Archer, instead of across the table. He put an arm around the Captain's shoulder, trying to comfort him. "I'm sorry, Jon," he said forlornly. "I didn't mean to rub salt in your wound."

Archer looked back up at Trip. The Captain's eyes were threatening to overflow. "You didn't, Trip. You just made me realize that I made the biggest mistake of my life twice over. I should've realized it a long time ago. Things might've been different if I hadn't been just thinking of myself."

This statement confused the chief engineer. "Whatda mean?" he asked.

"If I had followed through with confessing to Mai how I truly felt, I don't think she would've married Tom," the Captain said with a shaky voice. "I think she wanted me to tell her not to, but since I didn't, she went ahead and married him."

The light went on in Trip's mind. "You mean she only married Tom because she didn't think you wanted her?" he asked in total disbelief. _Oh hell, this is bad_, Trip thought to himself.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Archer responded. "After what happened up at the cabin, then acting like nothing did, and also not saying anything to her about what happened or expressing to her how much I loved her, she thought I wasn't interested in her romantically. She thought she had blown it with me, so she threw herself into her marriage with Tom." The feelings of being so dim-witted and uncomprehending threatened to rip Archer's heart out. _How could I be so self-absorbed, so blind, and so dumb,_ he kept thinking over and over again.

Finally, the tears started. He didn't sob or sniffle. The liquid just silently ran down his face. "Oh God, Trip what did I do?" he rasped.

"What men have done sense the beginnin' of time," Trip whispered softly. "Misunderstood what a woman was tryin' to tell ya." The chief engineer tightened his arm around the Captain's shoulder just let him know that he wasn't alone. "You've got to tell me what happened between you and Mai, Jon. You two didn't…uh…um…you two didn't…..uh," Trip couldn't bring himself to say it.

Archer looked at Trip again, feeling his cheeks grow warm with embarrassment yet again. "We came damn close, Trip, we came damn close," he admitted as he wiped at his eyes.

"I think you'd better tell me the rest of the story," Trip said meaningfully. "I need to hear everythin' that happened."

The Captain pulled in a shaky breath. Then he continued. 

_He and Mai had started on their trek again and it seemed to go on and on. The landmarks they could make out were causing them to be a little hopeful. The cabin had to be close. The wind had picked up and the snow increased its falling. The cold was biting at them. Mai was starting to stagger a bit. Archer decided to have them stop again and try and warm up. He broke out the heating sticks that the Colonel had given them. Once activated they gave off a pleasant and much needed warmth. Mai seemed to perk back up._

_She had decided to chitchat with him while they warmed up. He thought this might be his moment, _the moment_, to talk to her about what was in his heart. They stepped into deeper into the trees again and found some large boulders to sit on. "So how are ya and Erika doin'?" she asked very casually. _

_This questioned had surprised Archer and made him temporarily forget what he wanted to say to Mai. He hadn't really ever discussed his relationship, with the then Commander Erika Hernandez, with anyone. They'd seen each other here and there for a few years. It was nothing Archer considered serious. The Captain had tried getting romantically involved with Erika, to get over Mai, but it hadn't really worked. Then he had gotten his promotion to captain and he became Erika's superior. Both of them had decided to cool off the relationship, because of the rules and regulations against that kind of fraternization within Starfleet. The Captain was shocked that Mai had even heard anything about he and Erika. _

"_We…uh…we decided to just keep things on a….. professional level. I'm her superior officer now and we really work better as friends. How did you…?" His question was cut off._

_"'ow did I know?" Mai interrupted. At Archer's nod she went on, "Scuttlebutt knows no bounds, Jonny me boy."_

_"You heard it through the grapevine, huh?" he asked running the heat stick over his body again and trying not to look at Mai. _

_"I did," she said simply. She paused before she spoke again. "So ya two are jist friends, like you and I?" she had asked._

_At the time Archer had thought nothing of Mai's questions. He had answered her with, "Yeah, we're just friends, nothing more." Mai's eyes had looked relieved and sad at the same time. He hadn't understood why at the time, but she might have been feeling him out to see how he saw their relationship. And he had been oblivious to it._

_Out of nowhere a snowball hit him square in the face. He had been lost in thought about Erika and how he could bring up his feelings to Mai, when Mai threw a snowball at him. "What!" he yelled._

_"I got ya, Jonny me boy," Mai said laughing at him. "And I'm gonna to do it again." Another good-sized snowball struck his face. Mai had good aim._

_"You think I'm going to let you get away with that, Sergeant Donnelly," he told her playfully and jumped down off the boulder he was sitting on, gathering snow in his gloved hands. His warming stick was forgotten. "You asked for it little lady." He fired one off at her, hitting her in the chest. Snow sprayed all over her. She screamed in girlish delight._

_She threw another one at him, but he was ready this time and dodged it. He returned the favor and hit her in the legs. He was laughing now. "Take that!" he yelled joyfully._

_"Oh, I'm not done yet, lad," she threatened. She launched two at him. One pounded into his neck and chest and the other one missed by mere inches. This continued on and off again as they started running from each other, trying to find an advantage over one another. He didn't hit her again, but he was able to hit her backpack several times. He was laughing so hard that it hurt. Mai was good and a great opponent. Her little funny remarks were a nice touch too. Archer again let himself get lost in the moment of senseless fun and frivolity. He didn't let himself do it very often, but with Mai it was easy. The Captain knew they would have to reacquire their location and direction, but at the time he didn't care. Right then Mai was his._

_So when he stepped out on to the ice, he was totally unconscious of it and not paying attention. That was a big mistake in the cold and harsh conditions they were in. Mai had noticed the danger he was in, but it was too late. She shouted to him to come back, to get off the ice. That was when they both heard a loud crack, and Archer felt himself fall._

TBC

**What do you think? Please drop me even a one line review. It would be soooo appreciated! Oh, by the way, did anyone catch the little ode to "Quantum Leap" I placed in this chapter?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to anything Star Trek. They are the property of CBS/ Paramount. I'm not making any money off of this. I'm only playing with the characters and their world for fun. Thanks.**

**A/N: Here's the end of the cliffhanger with Archer falling through the ice. This chapter deals with all the final lead up to the "incident" that keeps being hinted at. The next chapter will deal specifically with that event. I've tried to have the scenes be romantic, and not go too far, but be warned. This story is still rated T. Please R&R. For those of you that have, I'm so very grateful. Thanks once again to LadyRainbow for her help with editing.**

**Chapter 5**

**The Cabin**

Trip had to stop his friend's story to get something clarified. Had he just heard Archer say that he and Captain Hernandez had once been a couple? That was news to him. "Wait, wait, wait," Trip interrupted. "Let me get this straight. You and Cap'n Hernandez were an item at one time? She never mentioned that to me while I was her Chief Engineer aboard _Columbia_. And you've never said anythin' about that either. What else are you keepin' from me?" Trip didn't mean to sound so accusatory, but he couldn't help it. Jon Archer had some major secrets, and it was all too stunning for Trip.

Face downcast, eyes looking at his hands, Archer fell silent. He had forgotten that his and Erika's relationship hadn't been broadcast. Mai had probably found out because she was trying to find out what his relationship status was, but Trip wouldn't have. Finally the Captain looked up; pale this time, and not blushing.

"It was just something we decided to keep to ourselves. It kind of was in fits and spurts. It didn't last long and we're still good friends." Archer was not going to tell Trip about the rock climbing incident almost a year ago. The Captain was not ready to inform his best friend of every private moment in his life; some things needed to remain just his.

Trip sat back in his chair and harrumphed, but let it go. He would not begrudge Jon his right to privacy, especially given Jon's position as captain. He and T'Pol had tried to keep their relationship under wraps for as long as possible. He still hadn't really confided in Archer about it fully either, so Trip couldn't genuinely be mad at the Captain for what he, himself, was guilty of.

"Okay, I get it," Trip told his friend in a gentler tone. Suddenly something else Archer had said struck Trip. "It was you who fell through the ice!? You told us it was Mai. Care to explain that?"

Archer coughed uncomfortably and looked at the mess hall floor. "Actually I never told you anything. You heard it from A.G. Mai was the one who told him that version of the story. It's true I never denied it, but I wonder why," the last he said as a statement, not a question, as he looked back up and glared at Trip.

Now it was Trip's turn to feel uncomfortable. "Because A.G. and I would never have let you live it down…." Trip let his words trail off. Then he added, "We woulda been on ya about it the whole time and even more when we got back home. Guess what happened to the 'Great Jonathan Archer', and all that."

"Exactly," was Archer's reply. "Mai knew you'd be like that. For some reason she chose to protect me. She didn't want to see you tease me. At the time I was already feeling lousy, so I let the fib stand. And I only fell through the ice because I let myself be distracted by Mai. My mind was not on what it should have been; otherwise it would've never happened."

Trip felt chagrinned. "I'm sorry, Jon. I ain't helpin' ya much right now am I?"

"It's okay, Trip," Archer said quietly and glanced at his friend. "I'm sorry for keeping it all from you. Friends share things with each other, and I haven't been a very good friend. I should have trusted you with all this a long time ago."

"Well, ya are now, and that's what's important," Trip told Archer warmly. "Ya gotta tell me what happened after you fell. I kinda interrupted your explanation."

The Captain sighed heavily again, preparing himself to try and get into the meat of his story. The hard part was coming up, but he was going to tell Trip the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help him God.

_The first thing Archer realized was that he'd stopped falling. He felt a biting cold from the bottom of his feet up to his waist. As his heart rate steadied and his vision came back into focus, he saw that Mai was almost nose to nose with him. Then the rest of the situation started to unfold for him. Mai had somehow managed to catch him around his waist and was keeping him from completely slipping into the cold water of the lake._

_How Mai has holding all his weight, his backpack included, he had no idea. How she was not falling into the icy water through the good-sized hole was a mystery too. But the enchanting MACO was somehow keeping him suspended above the bone-chilling water. He felt her shaking from the strain. He then noticed that she was laying out flat on her stomach with her ankles wrapped around a large tree trunk. She was barely able to reach him; her small body stretched to its limit._

_"Hold on, Jonny," she rasped, out of breath. "I won'ta let go."_

_"If you don't, you'll end up in the water too," he managed to say to her._

_She totally ignored his statement. "Canna ya move yer arms?" she asked instead._

_Something about her tone made Archer shut up and do as she asked; so he examined his arms and hands. Only his gloves appeared to be a little wet; his arms and chest hadn't yet been exposed to the water. He could move his arms just fine, but his pack was weighing him down, like the proverbial ton of bricks._

_Mai seemed to realize this fact too. "Git yer pack off," she ordered. "Then I need ya ta grab for an edge of unbroken ice so I can git a rope 'round ya. But we don't want ya ta go under all the way either. We wanna keep yer head outta the water."_

_The Captain struggled to remove his pack without sliding out of Mai's grip. It took some fancy maneuvering, but by some miraculous way, he did it. His backpack sunk down into the depths of the freezing cold water, a total loss. How could he be so brainless? He _knew_ better than to step out onto unstable ice. Getting rid of the heavy backpack seemed to help Mai; she tightened and strengthened her grip, but she was still trembling from the extreme effort she was putting forth, and wouldn't be able to keep it up much longer._

_Feeling around the sides of his little hole, he found the sturdiest edge and grabbed onto the solid platform in front on him. This forced him even closer to Mai, and even though his lower half was now numb, a flash of fire shot through him. Mai was close enough to kiss and that was all he wanted to do right then. Why he had that kind of thought in his life-threatening situation, he didn't know. Mai's mask was still pulled below her chin, from earlier when they were chatting on the boulder. Archer had a nice view now of her full lips, and he felt her warm breath on his own face._

_"That's good," she told him calmly. "I think that parta the ice will hold ya for a bit. Canna ya hold on while I grab me rope?"_

_The Captain felt himself nod at her, but he was lost in her stormy eyes. They were flared with worry, but still held her unbendable Irish determination. "Okay then," Mai continued trying to prepare him, "I'm gonna let ya go. The rope tis jist inside me pack. I'll grab it and then git it tied off somewhere real nice 'n tight."_

_Then she let go. Archer felt himself drop deeper into the water, but he managed to hold on to his thin ice ledge. Mai flew into action as she slid her backpack off and around, careful to back off the treacherous ice a ways. She had the pack open and the rope pulled out before the Captain could blink. He was so cold. He couldn't feel his legs. He knew hypothermia would be setting in soon. He was very grateful that his head hadn't gone under._

_Mai found a medium-sized fallen tree trunk to tie the rope to in kind of a pulley system. She used the tree as a fulcrum point, to get more leverage to lift Archer out of the water. As she pulled downward and away the tree helped apply the necessary force to make up for Mai's lack of strength. This way she could pull him all of the way out of the water without risking herself breaking more ice and falling into the water too. Archer was again impressed by her problem solving abilities. She had learned well._

_His grip was loosening and he knew he couldn't hold on much longer. Just as he was about to slip into the hostile, cold depths, Mai had the rope around him and began to pull. That was when the ice split and cracked again. Mai had had sense enough to tie another rope around her waist too, but she still slid back toward Archer and his hole in the ice. _

_The Captain's head went under the water. Cold enveloped him, stealing his breath and biting into his body. Even though most of the clothing he was wearing was waterproof, it wasn't soak proof. The water began to find its way into everything. Mai was half way into the chilly lake water now and was getting just as thoroughly soaked._

_Through it all Mai stayed calm and clear headed. She didn't panic, and she stayed on task. The young MACO righted herself almost immediately and used her rope to climb back up out of the water and away from the ice. She worked to fix her pulley system, and then she literally yanked Archer up out of the water and onto dry land. After a few more fierce tugs, she had the Captain safely out of harms way. She had gotten him off the hazardously breaking ice._

_Archer lay on his stomach sputtering and shivering violently. He coughed heavily as his lungs cleared themselves of the icy water. Mai was at his side flipping him over and helping him sit up. She pulled off his mask completely to help him expel the water and gulp in the air._

"_Oh, Jonny," Mai whispered. "You're growin' very pale. I don'ta like the looks of ya. We 'ave ta find the cabin before hypothermia renders you incoherent or unconscious. Then we have ta get ya warm'n dry." The only response Archer could make was to tremble, his body desperately trying to get warm. "You've probably only 'ave fifteen minutes before your critical if we stay out 'ere," Mai continued on somberly. "I'm bettin' this tis the lake that sits behind the old lodge. We jist 'ave to git 'round to the other side," she then informed him._

_She took off his snowshoes, for they would be an encumberment now. "We 'aveta keep movin', Jonny," Mai kept talking to him as she force him to his feet. His legs were so numb that he couldn't stand without leaning completely on Mai. "Help me as much as ye can lad. I'll do the rest somehow."_

_Mai literally carried and dragged Archer with her. She had an arm around his waist and an arm over his shoulder. She headed in what she hoped was still a southwesterly direction. The snow had lessened, but not stopped. The sergeant was shivering strongly now herself, and her teeth were chattering. She needed to get warm and dry almost as badly as Archer did. Time was not on their side now._

_After about five hundred meters of stumbling with her precious cargo, a large and dark shape appeared to Mai's left. It seemed to have a pointed roof and chimneys. It had to be the lodge. This spurred Mai on and she continued to drag her semiconscious, partially frozen partner with her. The old lodge, now a cabin, finally revealed itself to Mai and Archer as they reached its drive._

_It was a good-sized cottage really. The building was a couple of rectangles put together with pointy, triangle roofs on top of them. An old, wooden log fence ran up the drive to the cabin. The fence had two horizontal poles supported by two vertical, shorter poles side by side on each end. This made it look like it was divided into separate sections. The cabin or lodge was crafted out of the very redwood that grew surrounding it. The building appeared to have two stories and a basement. Snow had been cleared away from the door and windows. Mai and Archer could make out stairs with a wooden railing leading up to the cabin's front door._

_Some of the windows of the cabin were dormer windows, meaning they protruded out from the slanted or pitched roof. These windows were flat dormers so they didn't drop off at an angle, but were more up and down or perpendicular to the roof. The one big one on the main floor, was like a huge bay window. Mai and Archer could make out three such dormer windows on the front of the cabin. The other windows were set more flush into the cabin._

_Mai dragged Archer up the stairs and onto the front porch. A note on the beautifully arched door was kind enough to let the duo know where a spare key was hidden. The MACO sergeant sat her friend in a deck chair located on the small porch. She then retrieved the key from the inside of a hollowed-out frog statue sitting on a window seal to her left. In moments she had the door open, and she reacquired Archer, helping him inside._

_Once there she sat the Captain down on the bottom step of some stairs leading up to the second story. To her right was a hug parlor or living room. It was furnished in a very late twentieth century rustic style, all the surfaces looked rough, irregular, or had sunken, beveled edges and joints. Straight ahead they beheld a hallway, probably leading to a dining room and kitchen area, and maybe some guest rooms. To Mai's left was a door to another room, most likely something like a den or an office._

_Getting warm and dry were now the priorities that were most important. Mai noticed the large and spacious fireplace at the back of the huge living room. She would get that going first; its heat would be a step in the right direction. As Mai neared it, she blessed the Colonel for having it fully stocked with wood. Lighter fluid and matches were set on the beveled stone mantle above the fireplace. In no time Mai had a rip roaring fire going. She also discerned which lights were electric and which were oil-base and would need to be lit. She turned on all the electrical ones she could find and would light the others later._

_Next she needed to find blankets, towels, and dry clothes. Hurrying with all-do-speed, Mai went through all the closets, cupboards, draws, and storage places she could find, and even ran upstairs in her hunt for supplies. She found lanterns, but the only thing she couldn't find was a change of clothes. The Colonel had nothing here, and it seemed that their luggage had not yet arrived for them. They would have to make to do with towels and blankets if they wanted to have something dry to wear._

_Mai noticed that her actions were becoming sluggish and that her thoughts were slow and not well-formed as she finished up her gathering. She had hypothermia too. She feared she might be entering stage two. Mai swore she heard Major Jackson's voice, an old first aid instructor, as he monotonously explained, "Hypothermia is a condition in which a person's body temperature drops below that required for normal metabolism and bodily function. The core body temperature looses more heat than it can replenish and vital organs cease functioning and death can result. Three stages have been identified and categorized, one being the least serious and three the most serious." She had to shake herself back to the task at hand. She was concerned she was losing it._

_When Mai got back to Archer she noticed that his lips were blue and his color was extremely pale. She felt his pulse and it was slower than she would have liked. He was close to stage three hypothermia and that was very bad. At least he was still shivering and shaking, which meant he hadn't yet progressed to stage three and that was more reassuring. She had to get him warm, and quickly, but she had to be careful how she went about doing so. Mai knew not to rub any of the Captain's appendages, for that could send cold blood to his heart and send him into cardiac arrest or drop his core temperature to fatal levels. She also knew she shouldn't apply any direct heat to him, like from a heating pad or heating lamp._

_She had to warm his body up first and work out from there. Archer's one-time student knew she would have to strip him of his wet clothing. Mai hesitated only for a short moment. Then she set about removing all of Archer's wet clothes. He was still conscious, but not really with the program. He tried to help her with his coat and gloves, but he fumbled with them. The MACO woman quickly got his gloves off, then his scarf, followed by his coat, layers of snowsuit, wool sweater, flannel shirt, long johns and so on. She worked on his boots and several layers of socks. Pants and other things came last._

_Archer was aware from time to time that Mai was taking off his clothes. Her touch was gentle, but deliberate. Somewhere in his mind he knew Mai would run out of clothes and he would be exposed; he didn't care. Mai was touching him and that alone was warming him. Her body was so close to his. He felt her drape a towel around his lower half, and then she wrapped him in warm and fuzzy blankets. When she was done she lead him, stumbling, to a lounge chair she had placed near the fire, but not too close. Once he was settled, she stripped herself._

_Even though he was drifting in and out, the instant he realized Mai was undressing, he tried to concentrate on that. It gave him something to focus on, something to make him stay conscious. In the back of his mind, he knew going unconscious right now would not be good for him. Warmth grew and spread through him as he tried to watch her. A flash of skin was all he got to see as she modestly removed her wet layers and wrapped herself in a towel and several warm and fuzzy blankets. "I've got some tea brewin'," she told Archer. "I'll be right back with it." Then she disappeared down the hallway into the kitchen._

_"S…S..Sou..nds good," Archer slurred in response. That really worried Mai._

_It took a lot of searching, but Mai had found several warm beverages and foods she could make as she ransacked the kitchen cupboards. Hot liquid would help warm them from the inside out. When she had found the peppermint tea, she was thrilled. It was her favorite and something she could force herself to make despite the fatigue that was trying to over take her. She quickly finished brewing the tea and poured it into two white mugs with moose on them. Hurrying back to Archer was foremost on her mind._

_She made him sip as much of the tea as she could. He was barely alert enough to not choke on it, but she got a whole cup down him. She eagerly drank hers down too. She set the mugs down on a large coffee table when she figured they had had enough tea. Then she looked at Archer and hesitated. _

_Taking a nervous breathe she said, "Now I don't want ya ta think that I'ma getting' fresh with ya, Jonny, but our combined body heat tis the best way to beat this. If we can't get our core body temperature up, will 'ave to git treated at a hospital and that means we fail the course. I don't wanna fail, but I don't wanna endanger us either." With that said she slid into the reclining lounge chair with Archer. She laid her head on his chest and covered them in more blankets. She entangled her legs with his and wrapped herself in his arms and he in hers._

_"You're…not…going to try… and take…ad…advantage of me, are you?" Archer had tried to joke with her, but it came out disjointed._

_"Never, Jonny, never," Mai whispered. "We'll keep the towels where they are jist so we're safe. However, if our conditions worsen, we may 'ave ta go for a more direct approach," she said almost shyly._

_Archer smiled sheepishly, half out of it, but said, "I'm not w…w..worried, Mai. I tr..tr..trust you." Then he was swept away by fatigue, and he finally gave into it. It didn't take long until Mai followed suit. _

"Oh come on, Jon!" Trip exclaimed playfully. "You can't just expect me to believe that you two just fell asleep."

"I swear we did," the Captain said in all honesty. "We were suffering from acute hypothermia, Trip. It sapped everything out of us. We were damn lucky that we found the cabin when we did, and that Mai took all the proper steps to get us to recover. A few more minutes outside and I probably wouldn't be here now."

Those words sobered Trip right up. He hadn't realized how serious the situation had been for Jon and Mai. It frightened him a little to know that they had been close to loosing their lives, but he knew that the Captain's story couldn't end there. More had to be forthcoming.

It was. "The situation changed, however, when I woke up, hours later," Archer whispered, but Trip had heard every word. "That was when things turned on their head. How could they not? Mai was in my arms, soft, warm, comforting, and so very tempting."

Trip gulped. "Yeah, I…ah…I hear ya," he said. The situation would be tempting to any man. When the Captain didn't continue Trip tried to plod him along. "So…what happened when you woke up?"

"One of the best and worst experiences of my life," was Archer's answer.

TBC

**Let me know what you think. Okay in the romance and action department?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to anything Star Trek. They are the property of CBS/ Paramount. I'm not making any money off of this. I'm only playing with the characters and their world for fun. Thanks.**

**A/N: This is the big event. LOL! Again I tried to have some zip to it, but not be obscene. This chapter is still rated T. There is also a little bit of hard language here and there in the chapter. You've been warned. Hope this works and that readers like it. At the end, I really do need readers' input about what they think should happen next. As the author I have my own ideas, but I'm always open to suggestions. Have fun!!**

**Thanks to LadyRainbow once again for her beta reading.**

**Chapter 6**

**The Incident**

Trip readied himself to hear the conclusion to Archer's tale. He could tell by his friend's posture and tone of voice that it would be one helluva an ending. The Captain seemed to gather himself together in an effort to continue what was now a very painful and haunting memory.

_When Archer awoke from his hypothermia-induced sleep, he felt a widespread contentment. He knew he was warm, safe, and very comfortable. Each of his senses fed him information about his environment one at a time. The first sense that registered was smell. A rich, meaty, and aromatic smell hit him. It unconsciously made his mouth water and his stomach growl in anticipation. The smell was pleasant and brought him more awake._

_The next sense that registered was his hearing, letting him pick up the sounds in the background. Soft, soothing, and jazzy music played throughout the cabin. As the Captain listened to it, his mind slowly processed what kind of music it was. It sounded like the old "Crooner" music of the 1940's and 1950's, the kind of music that people like Dean Martin or Frank Sinatra would sing to. Concentrating harder on the sound, Archer decided that the singer for this particular piece of music had to be Bing Crosby. He was singing a Christmas song. It was "White Christmas"; the lyrics and melody were written sometime in the 1940's by Irving Berlin, one of America's greatest composers, in the Captain's opinion. Bing Crosby had popularized the song by using it in a movie called "Holiday Inn." Archer let the words and music flow over him, finally making them out fully._

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know

Where the treetops glisten,

And children listen

To hear sleigh bells in the snow."

_The tune was sweet and a great way to usher in the Christmas spirit. It had been a long time since Archer had enjoyed such music. He wondered who had chosen it and started it playing. That was when his senses finally registered the warm and soft body pressed up against his own: Mai. She was still snuggled up with him in the reclining lounge chair by the fireplace in the cabin's gigantic living room. His eyes drifted down to look at her. _

_She had turned to face away from him with her back leaning into his chest. Her legs were still tangled up in his, and his arms were draped around her waist possessively. Mai's steady, deep breathing was an indication that she was sound asleep. One of his hands connected to the arm around her waist was resting on her hip and the fingers from one of Mai's hands were laced through his._

_As the one song ended, another one, featuring Bing Crosby again, took its place. Archer allowed his attention to drift to it and away from Mai for a moment. He needed a distraction, for his heart rate had suddenly increased and a lump had formed in his throat. Here was his greatest desire come to life. Mai was wrapped in his arms and they were totally alone. The Captain recognized the song as, "Let It Snow." He made himself remember that the original composer had been Jule Styne and Sammy Cahn had written the lyrics to in 1945. Vaugh Monroe had been the first one to vocalize it and the song had been redone so many times Archer had lost count. Bing Crosby's version had always been his favorite, though._

_Mai must have gotten up once to put on the music. It sounded like something she would pick out. She had a soft spot for the good oldies. The blonde beauty must have wanted it to feel like Christmas, so she chose a Bing Crosby Christmas album. Leave it up to her to go back in time to create a great feeling of nostalgia for simple days gone by. The song now playing couldn't have been more appropriate for his and Mai's situation. He let himself listen to the words and gentle, but upbeat, romantic melody._

"Oh the weather outside is frightful,

But the fire is so delightful,

And since we've no place to go,

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

"It doesn't show signs of stopping,

And I brought some corn for popping;

The lights are turned way down low.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

"When we finally say good night,

How I'll hate going out in the storm;

But if you really hold me tight,

All the way home I'll be warm.

"The fire is slowly dying,

And, my dear, we're still good-bye-ing,

But as long as you love me so,

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."

_Archer couldn't believe how much the song fit what was happening right now to him and Mai. Instead of helping him not think about Mai in his arms, it enforced her proximity and her supple shape pressing into him. The music was creating a very romantic and tempting state of affairs. Right now Mai was his. He needed to get his mind on something else. The smell of the cooking meat pulled at his attention again and he decided to go with that for the time being._

_Mai must have also started to cook something to eat when she turned on the music. She was an excellent cook; she had told him that she had spent a great deal of time in her grandmother's kitchen cooking with her when she was a little girl. Mai had obviously learned a lot from her talented grandmother. Archer found himself trying to find a way to be around whenever Mai decided to put a meal together. The MACO woman's cooking never disappointed him. Every meal she made was delicious and very filling. The Captain found himself looking forward to eating whatever smelled so good now._

_If Mai had gotten up to cook and turn on some music, she had then decided to return to the living room and climb back into the reclining lounge chair under the soothing and warn blankets with him. That thought staved away any lingering chill Archer may have had from his tumble into the bone-chilling lake. He silently wondered how long they had been asleep together in the lounge chair. The fire still seemed to be burning bright and strong. Suddenly he found himself right back where he started, fantasizing about himself and Mai._

_Then another thought came to him. Here was his chance to wake Mai and have a heart-to-heart talk with her while they were alone and in such close quarters. He reluctantly removed his hand from Mai's towel-covered waist to shake her shoulder and rouse her from her sleep, but his hand, seemingly of its own accord, instead began to stroke Mai's bare shoulder gently with feather softness. He then lightly brushed a trail down her arm and then back up to her shoulder again. He repeated this motion several times. Mai's skin had warmed and felt like silk under his hand._

_His ministrations didn't cause Mai to stir. This made Archer bolder, want more. He felt a white hot temptation to brush his lips across her back and to nibble at her neck wash through his veins. He found himself giving into that fiery temptation without too much hesitation. Mai's back was balmy and delicately smooth as his lips connected with it. She even tastes of peaches, just like she had smelled of them. He continued his actions for several pulse-pounding minutes, letting his lips caress her back, neck, and one of her shoulders. He was slow, deliberate, and gentle breeze soft. He savored each sensation and let it charge up his libido, making him hungry for her. Then Mai did stir. She shivered and goosebumps broke out on her back and arms._

_She shifted position to turn and face Archer. He started, realizing she had caught him. Panic and fear seized his whole body as he thought he would see a look of anger, shock, outrage, or betrayal in her eyes. What would she think? What would she say? He thought he was in big trouble. So it came as a total surprise when he saw a very different set of emotions in her eyes than the ones he'd been expecting. _

_He saw emotions in her eyes that he had never seen before; at first he thought it was a trick of the firelight. Her blue-gray eyes were burning with passion, desire, and a beautiful softness. Mai had never looked like that at him before and adrenaline shot throughout his body. It was a look he had longed to see for years now. He wondered if he was imagining it, or if he was having some kind of delusion from suffering from hypothermia earlier._

_"Mai, I'm so sor--," he tried to say._

_He didn't get to finish his sentence. Mai grabbed his head in her hands and pulled him down closer to her. Her lips covered his and then proceeded to kiss him gently at first, almost tentatively. She grew more urgent and demanding with her kiss and he responded instantly, allowing her to deepen and expand the kiss. He returned it with equal heat. God it felt so good! Thoughts of talking quickly disappeared. This was much, much better._

_Archer enveloped her in his arms again, pulling their bodies closer together. He traced a path with his lips down her chin, throat, nibbling at her Adam's apple, then her left shoulder and collar bone, and lower. Mai let out a pleasurable moan and whispered very huskily, "Don't stop, Jonny, please don't stop." It was all the encouragement he needed to continue._

_Her arms wrapped around him and slid up his back, caressing him. He shivered all over at her touch. Then one hand slipped into his short, brown hair, running through it. She ran her other hand up his chest. His lips meet hers again and the kissing began in earnest. Almost unconsciously Archer felt their towels loosen and he reached to pull them away. He wanted to touch and feel all of Mai._

_In the background the music had stopped and shouting voices could be heard not too far outside the cabin. "Yahoooo! I told ya we'd make it A.G. And I bet were the first ones! Hot damn!!" It was Tom._

_"Settle down, hot shot!" A.G hollered, a little ways behind him. "There's lights on and there's smoke comin' out the chimney! I think your celebratin' is a little premature!"_

_Even though both Archer and Mai heard the yelling, it didn't register with them immediately. The touch and feel of each other eclipsed most other concerns. They failed to recognize who was bellowing. Jon kissed Mai more fervently, and Mai seemed to maneuver their bodies right together. The towels were barely separating them, just one more tug._

_Suddenly a banging on the front door startled them. They slowly and hesitantly stopped their motions. "Knock again. I'm sure somebody's in there. The key's not here," A.G's. voice could be heard to say through the cabin's front door._

_The couple in the recliner just stared at each other, frozen in place. Mai's face paled, while Archer's heart skipped a beat in panic as both of them finally realized that Tom and A.G. were just outside. They were not alone anymore. Both of them recognized the compromising position that they were in. It was Mai's fiancé that was on the other side of the door. They were in deep shit, and knew they had to do something to dig themselves out of it._

_Mai was in motion first. She grabbed her towel and set it securely around herself again. She jumped up out of the recliner, picking up a blanket from the floor. The young woman then pulled it around her shoulders and draped herself in it for more coverage. Archer watched her for a minute, secretly enjoying seeing flashes of her bare skin. Then he followed suit. He made sure his towel was securely around his waist, and he made sure that he was covered in blankets. He was going to stay in the chair for now._

_"I accidentally forgot ta put the key back inside the frog statue thingy," Mai said in a rush. "I locked the door outta habit. I guess I'd better go let 'em in." Her face was flushed, making her look exquisite, but she wasn't looking Archer in the eye._

_His first thought was, _Why let them in? _He was still recovering from the intense arousal Mai had unleashed in him. He desperately wanted to continue on with what they had been doing, but part of him felt guilty and knew that they needed to act like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. Mai gazed at Archer for a very long moment before she started to move toward the front door. He couldn't decipher what he saw in her eyes. He wanted to blurt out that he loved her and that she shouldn't marry Tom, but him. It was right on the tip of his tongue. The beautiful MACO seemed on the verge of saying something to him as well._

_Another loud banging and some more burley shouting spoiled the moment. Archer clamped his mouth shut and kept the desires of his heart a secret. He couldn't speak them out loud to Mai. Then she was gone, rushing to the door and her betrothed. The Captain felt an angry, bitter cold sweep over him. It had nothing to do with his dip in the freezing ice water of the lake. He knew he had just lost Mai. He closed his eyes trying not to let any liquid slip out of them. Archer huddled in his blankets, trying to hide from reality. What had almost happened moments ago seemed like a surreal dream._

_The Captain heard Mai open the door. "I should've known you and Jon would beat us all," A.G. said to her with joviality and warmth. Archer turned to peek at the scene. A.G. was gaping at her blanket attire. He hadn't been expecting that._

_"What took you so damn long?" Tom complained haughtily. He didn't greet her with a hello or with a warm expression of being happy to see her. "What the hell happened to you?" Tom then asked as he too noticed her unusual choice of apparel._

_Mai hesitated a second before she answered. "I fell through some ice and got soaked," was finally her reply. "Jonny rescued me, but not before he got drenched too," she added._

_"You guys all right?" A.G. asked with genuine concern in his voice._

_"Oh, yeah lad," Mai told him. "We had a wee bit of hypothermia, but gettin' warm 'n dry solved that problem."_

_"Where _is _Jon?" A.G. then asked._

_Mai tried not to blush as she remember right were he was. "Restin' by the fire," she responded quickly. "I've been makn' a beef stew for when everyone gits 'ere."_

_A.G. stepped through the door. He and Tom were covered from head to foot in snow. "I'd better shake off first, huh?" A.G. grinned sheepishly as a large chunk of snow slopped off him and plopped onto the floor. "Then I'll bless your Irish soul, Donnelly, for your thoughtfulness." A.G. knew how good a cook Mai was too._

_Mai blushed again and bowed her head. "It was nothin'", she whispered. "What 'appened to you two?" she then asked trying to get the attention off herself._

_"Genius here," A.G. grumbled and thumbed back at Tom, "triggered an avalanche."_

_"I did not!" Tom exclaimed defensively. "That slab would've gone no matter what I was doing."_

_"Keep telling yourself that, Frosty, and maybe someone who cares will believe you," A.G. replied sarcastically._

_Mai wrapped the blanket around her tighter. Holding the door open was letting in a lot of cold air. Archer watched her shiver involuntarily and he instantly flashed back to her shivering under his touch. He silently groaned and turned away from the door again. "Could you two 'urry? Yer lettin' in all the cold air," she finally said._

_"Oh sorry, Mairead," A.G. quickly apologized. "We'll get brushed off and then come in." He swiftly backed out, pushing Tom through the door too. He closed the front door behind him._

_Mai stood there another moment and then the Captain heard her paddle into the kitchen. He just laid there in the chair with his eyes shut, buried in his blankets, still smelling Mai's sweet aroma. After several minutes he heard Tom and A.G. come back inside. He listened as they took their snowshoes and boots off with big thunks, and he heard zippers unzip as they got out of their coats and snowsuits. Archer remembered that A.G. and Tom both were wearing big, bulky, wool sweaters and pants. A.G was wearing a nice combination of greens, while Tom was wearing different shades of gray. He then heard someone shuffle into the kitchen and someone else shuffle his way into the living room._

_The Captain pretended to be asleep. He really didn't want to face anyone at the moment and he wanted to see if he could hear Mai talk to Tom out in the kitchen. He assumed it was Tom who went there and that A.G. was coming to warm himself by the fire._

_"Hey baby," Tom's loud, masculine voice finally greeted his fiancé. _

_Tom was about five ten, a hundred and ninety pounds of muscle. He had blondish, brown hair and very blue eyes. He was somewhere between bulky and wiry. Mai had always said it was his dimples when he smiled that she liked the best. Archer grimaced when he heard exaggerated kissing noises next. Tom did a lot of things for show. Mai was his prize and he let everyone know it._

_"You really fell through some ice, sweetheart?" The Captain heard Tom ask with some real worry in his voice. Archer couldn't make out Mai's reply. Then he heard Tom say, "Well, I'm sure glad Archer was with you then. He's the one person _I_ would even count on if I got into trouble."_

_That statement floored the Captain. Tom usually thought so highly of himself and his own abilities that he would never compliment someone else on theirs, let alone admit that he might get into trouble he couldn't get out of. It must have really shook him up that Mai could have been serious hurt. Maybe the bastard really_ did_ care about her._

_Archer was still reeling from the out-and-out lie Mai had told their two new arrivals. Mai had said that he had rescued her, not the other way around. Why had she done that? His ego wasn't that fragile that he couldn't handle admitting that a woman had save his life. Then he realized how A.G., Trip, and some of the others would rib him up one side and down another about the event. Mai was kindly and generously trying to save him from the ridicule. It touched him deeply that she would do something like that. Hot liquid threatened to slip out of his eyes again. Mai was truly a treasure, truly a friend. She thought more of others than herself. That was just one more thing to love about her. Archer's stomach clenched, and he felt very sick at heart. Why hadn't he said anything?_

_"Rise and shine, Captain," A.G.'s voice commanded at an uncomfortable volume. Then there was a whoosh of air and one of the smaller couch pillows smacked Archer square in the face. Pretending to be startled awake, the Captain shifted in the chair and opened his eyes very slowly. "Nice of you to join us, Jon," A.G. said and laughed heartily. "Did Mai wear you out that badly?"_

_This question nearly caused Archer to jump out of his skin. A.G.'s query was totally innocent, but for the Captain it had an entirely different context. He decided to play dumb._

_"What?" he replied, feigning grogginess._

_"Rescuing Mai," A.G. clarified, "did that sap your strength that much?"_

_Archer tried to look like he was still not quite with it. "I guess it did, that and the accompanying hypothermia."_

_A.G. stopped joking instantly. "Are you really okay? You don't need a medic do you?"_

_"No, no," Archer responded quickly. "I'm fine now. Luckily we weren't far from the cabin when it happened and we were able to get warm and dry pretty fast. It was unfortunate Monroe doesn't have any spare clothing though and that none of our luggage was here yet," he explained._

_"Well, it doesn't surprise me that you and Mai made it here first anyway. And that you probably made it in record time too. It's not fair ya know," A.G. told his friend playfully._

_Archer force himself to smile as he spoke. "Sorry, it's just natural talent."_

_"Yeah, yeah, whatever," A.G. said rolling his eyes, still joking around. "There would've been a time when that would've really pissed me off. But I know that you deserve all of your success. You work hard for it, Jon."_

_The Captain appreciated A.G.'s praise; it didn't come lightly. "Thanks, A.G.," he replied._

_"So Mai's cookin', huh?" A.G. asked next._

_"I guess," Archer answered. "I'm not sure what's going on right now. I'm not sure how long we've been here actually."_

_A.G. looked around and spotted an artistically crafted, moose head shaped clock on the wall across from the couch he was sitting on. "It's about twenty-four hundred hours, midnight. It took us eight hours to get here. You must've made really good time."_

_"We were prepared," was all the Captain had to say in response._

Archer stopped his story there. He glanced at Trip to gauge his friend's reaction. The chief engineer seemed a little glassy-eyed, a little far away. "The rest you know, Trip," he said. Trip was still staring off into space. "You okay, Trip?" the Captain asked concerned.

Trip then seemed to snap out of his trance after another moment. He blinked a couple of times and drew in a shaky breath. "Yeah…I'm…okay. But…man, Jon…you and…Mai," he said slowly. He stopped for a second to try and express his thoughts. "Sorry", he apologized, then continued, "It's just that I couldn't help but react to the mental picture you created. It was, uh…pretty...intense. I've never seriously thought about Mai like that…but…," he let the thought trail off.

"You're telling me." The Captain couldn't help but smile a little at Trip's obviously male reaction to the incident he had just recapped for him. Archer, himself, felt like he had relived it as he talked about it. His longing and yearning for Mai had returned one hundred fold. "You don't know how many times I've replayed that experience in my mind. I've imagined it with every possible ending I could dream up. I've followed it through to a highly charged and pleasurably happy ending. And I've also followed it through to a horribly depressing and more miserable ending than the one it had. I mostly dwell on the happy outcomes," Archer explained.

"I can see why," Trip whispered, physically and mentally shaking himself. "I would too. I can't believe you and Mai never discussed the incident with one another, after what happened. How could you let her marry Tom after that? She _was _really into you, Jon; I'm sure of that."

Archer bowed his head, ashamed again at his cowardliness. "I couldn't get her alone again to talk it through with her. Tom never left her side the rest of the weekend. When you and the others finally showed up, the opportunities to talk to her rapidly disappeared. When we returned home, I let myself get caught up in work and other things to both avoid talking about it and to try and forget about it. After a while I began to convince myself that it wasn't real, that I had imagined Mai's response. She never brought it up again either."

Trip didn't know what to say. The two people who were the most well-suited for each other had somehow misread each others true feelings. Mai was as much at fault as Jon was. She had failed to bring up the subject too, especially since she went ahead and married Tom.

"You and Mai both needed a good, swift kick in the butt," the chief engineer finally said.

The Captain looked at him for a moment as he digested what his friend had said. Then he chuckled. "I guess we did and we didn't get it in time." Then Archer sobered again. "What do I do now, Trip? If I decide to have Mai's MACO unit transferred to _Enterprise_ it might make things worse. She's a major, which is the MACO equivalent of a captain in Starfleet, and she is in a different branch of service, but she would be under my direct command because she would be serving abroad my ship. I would have the ultimate authority in any action she decided to take or not to take. I don't know if I can be so close to her and held apart yet again. On the other hand I want to be a good friend and help her through this painful time in her life."

Then he asked again, stressing each word, "_What do I do, Trip? What do I do?"_

TBC

**Okay, there it is. Now I need feedback from my readers. What should Archer do? Should he get Mai's MACO unit transferred to **_**Enterprise**_** or should he not? Please leave any opinion you have, long or short. Thanks!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the rights to anything Star Trek. They are the property of CBS/ Paramount. I'm not making any money off of this. I'm only playing with the characters and their world for fun. Thanks.**

**A/N: I got tried of waiting for feedback so I had Archer go talk to Trip and Malcolm to help him make his decision. This chapter will conclude this story, but I'm working on a sequel to it. Since this is the last chapter of the story please leave a review and let me know what you all thought of it. The sequel will be more balanced out with other characters and since everyone seems to like Malcolm so much, I have big plans for him in the sequel. **

**Thanks LadyRainbow for helping me stay on track. You rock!!**

**Chapter 7**

**The Decision**

Now it was Trip's turn to grow still and silent. Archer had asked him the big, tough question and the chief engineer didn't quite know how to answer it. He truly didn't know what decision the Captain should make. Trip wanted to see Mai again, he wanted someone like her guarding his back, and he wanted to help her through the pain and sorrow of losing her husband. That was what he wanted to tell his friend, but he couldn't find the words. What if it made things worse for Mai to bring her aboard _Enterprise_? What if it was too big of a challenge for the Captain to handle?

"Trip?" Archer's voice broke the commander's downward spiral of thought. Trip looked up from the table to see Jon's questioning face.

The chief engineer knew he needed to say something; he couldn't just sit there looking silly, so he said the first thing that would come out of his mouth. "Maybe you should consult Malcolm before you make your final decision. See how disruptive he might think it would be to change MACO units," he blurted out.

This was not the answer Archer was expecting. His eyebrows rose in surprise at his friend's new line of thinking. Trip explained further, "I mean, Malcolm is the Chief of Security, your Tactical and Armory Officer, shouldn't he get some say in acceptin' or rejectin' the transfer. He's just to the point where he's comfortable workin' with the MACOs. Well, as comfortable as Malcolm can get with them. He, Kemper, and McKenzie all work rather well together now. Transferrin' 'em now might mess things up."

The Captain's jaw clenched as he thought about what Trip was saying. His friend was right of course, but it still bothered Archer that someone had to point out Reed's position to him. He felt he should have thought of it himself.

"I'm all for helpin' Mai and gettin' her into a different environment, one with old friends; I love her like a little sister, you know that. She and Lizzie were a lot alike, but there are other considerations," Trip went on. "And I don't wanna see you torture yourself either. You need to look deep inside yourself and decide whether or not you could handle Mai bein' aboard and servin' under your command. If you really can't, then….," he let his voice trail off.

The Captain took a long, deep breath and pulled himself together. "This whole time I've only been thinking about one person, me. I need to take myself out of the equation for a moment and look at the situation more logically." Trip smiled slightly at Archer's use of that word. T'Pol was rubbing off a little on the Captain.

"How 'bout a pros and cons list?" Trip suggested. "It always helps me to make a big decision to weigh both sides."

"Like running off to _Columbia_ because of T'Pol?" Archer couldn't help but say. He regretted it the moment the comment came out of his mouth.

Trip gave his friend a sharp, then a sour look. He sighed wearily. "Yeah, like runnin' off to _Columbia_ because of T'Pol. I really did think that choice through before I made it, believe it or not. I'm just glad things happened to help me change my mind 'bout it," Trip told Archer honestly.

"So am I, Trip, so am I," Jon replied, his voice full of emotion. "It almost killed me to lose my Chief Engineer and best friend like that."

"I know and I'm truly sorry 'bout puttin' you in that position. I kinda know now why they have all the rules and regulations about fraternization. It's hard to work with someone you've had an imitate relationship with and then that changes. That's why I'm being so tough with you 'bout it. I don't want you to go through what I'm still goin' through," Trip said kindly. He offered Archer one of his boyish grins to lighten the mood.

The Captain responded with a small smile of his own, and then he said," Okay, so a pros and cons list, huh?"

"Yup," Trip answered. "I'd start with the pros first. They're easier to come up with and are a more positive way to start the process."

Archer grew contemplative. His brow furrowed as he seriously considered the good things about having Mai on board. "I'm going to have to interject some of the emotional reasons too then," he finally said.

"Go on and list 'em all," Trip commented.

"Well…., first…Mai's an outstanding soldier and a natural born leader. She takes all of her responsibilities seriously, and I think she would get along well with Malcolm in that department. She knows how to be professional. She's loyal and knows what duty means. She's dependable, reliable, competent, and quick on her feet. Mai can follow orders, as well as give them," Archer said going with what he admired about Mai. "She's kind and compassionate too. People and her mission come first, herself last. Basically, she gets the job done and done right. _Enterprise_ would be well protected with her and Malcolm working together."

"What else?" Trip prompted Archer onward.

"Second….Mai needs a new challenge and old friends to get her through this painful period in her life. It would be good for her to learn new routines and figure out the different duties she'll need to perform on this ship. Malcolm could keep her so busy that she wouldn't have time to dwell on the recent tragedy in her life. She'd be able to make new friends here too. There are many benefits for Mai if she gets a change of scenery," Archer explained.

After a brief pause he came up with another pro. "Third, Mai started out her career as a Starfleet officer. She went through flight school and Starfleet Training, after graduating in environmental and biotechnological science. I still can't believe she threw all that away and joined the MACOs. That still smarts something fierce. Anyway," the Captain said as he realized he had started to stray from his main objective, "she'll know all the Starfleet protocols and how the system works. She'll be able to work well with both Starfleet personnel and MACO personnel.

"Fourth," he went on, on a roll now. "I know for a fact that it's always been Mai's deepest desire, her most wished for dream, to explore space. I have a strong feeling that getting her out into space and letting her be part of our mission of exploration would absolutely thrill her. To travel among the stars, to see what's out here, to meet new species, and experience new civilizations first hand, would fulfill her. She would love it aboard _Enterprise_ for those very reasons."

Trip interrupted with an addition of his own. "You did leave out a very big emotional reason, Jon. You can't leave off the list that you'd be ecstatic to see her again and you'd to be able to share your love of being out here with her. You're two peas in a pod in that regard. She knows how you think too. You were her mentor for a long time, a lot of what she learned she learned from you. Mai'd follow your directions to the letter and she understand where you were coming from better than most people would."

The Captain nodded in silent agreement with Trip's thoughts. Then he asked, "Now the cons, huh?"

"Uh huh," Trip prompted.

Archer blew out a breath and steeled himself for the list of negatives. "Okay… first…Mai might not want to come aboard _Enterprise_ at all. She might not want to see me again because she may be really ticked with me. She may not want a new assignment either. She'd follow orders, but she might not be happy about it. This whole thing was Fergus' idea and suggestion, not hers.

"Second, she and Malcolm have a lot in common and Mai is very likable, but the two of them could butt heads. She can be really feisty sometimes, and though she's always respectful, she likes to do things her own way. I can see her bucking the system and giving Malcolm a real headache if she feels justified in doing so. It might be Hayes all over again," Archer said with a heavy sigh.

"Third," he jumped ahead. "She might not be able to snap out of her grief. She may be compromised and unable to perform her duties, which could endanger the crew. She could be a weak link we can't afford. Fergus didn't go into a lot of detail about her state of mind, but he definitely didn't think she was herself. He's worried enough about her to contact me and start this whole ball rolling.

"The fourth con should be obvious," the Captain blushed again as he talked. "I might not be able to deal with her being on aboard. My feelings could cloud my judgment around her, and she could be a really big distraction to me. Seeing her again might be my undoing."

"And don't forget the crew having to get used to a new MACO unit," Trip again threw out his thoughts to Archer. "Those we have now are a known quantity. Many of the crew trust 'em and they already know what's expected of 'em. They know what can happen out here. They know the drill, the crew, and the ship inside and out. Malcolm has 'em trained just about where he wants 'em. He'd have to start all over with a new unit."

Archer felt even more frustrated after all this. "What now?" he asked testily. "We're about equal with pros and cons."

Trip was patient with his friend. "Now ya decide which cons can be overcome and which ones can't. If the pros out weigh the cons, or vice versa, then you have a better sense of what ya should decide to do," Trip instructed.

The Captain sighed tiredly and ran a hand over his face. "I suppose I had better talk to Malcolm and see what his take on the situation would be. His opinions and suggestions are key in overcoming a few of the cons. Then I need to decide how unselfish I can really be. Do I really care about Mai enough to help her and be there for her despite how if affects me?"

"Exactly," Trip said in agreement. "If you genuinely love Mai, Jon, then you should be able to put all your personal baggage aside and be her friend. The Jonathan Archer I know, and that the crew has come to respect, would find a way to do it. You really want to be an example, here's your chance."

Archer looked up at Trip's words. Again his friend was right. The truth hurt, but it had to be accepted. "Thanks, Trip," Archer told the chief engineer sincerely. "It feels so much better to have some of this out in the open instead of bottled up inside. Thanks for being my friend."

"You're more than welcome, Jon," Trip replied warmly, meeting Archer's eyes. "I just hoped I've helped and not made things worse."

"Oh, you've definitely helped, Trip," Archer told him. "Unfortunately now though, where I go from here is only up to me to figure out. You've given me a lot of good things to think about and to consider closely."

A companionable silence fell upon the two friends as they watched the starlight out the windows for a few minutes. The stars where more clear when the ship wasn't at warp.

"Well, I need to get back to Engineerin' and finish my diagnostics," Trip broke the silence first. Then he realized how callous he sounded and hastily added, "Unless you still need to talk about things." He didn't want Archer to think he was that antsy to get back to work. He really wasn't; in fact he really wanted to lay his head down and go to sleep. The Captain's story had worn him out, but he would be there if his friend still had things to say.

"No," Archer replied struggling not to laugh at Trip's drooping eyelids. "What you should do is get some shuteye, Commander. Go to bed, at least for a little while. The warp engine will be there in the morning." When the Captain saw that Trip was about to protest, he added, "That's an order."

Trip had to stifle a yawn then. "Yeah, okay," he mumbled.

"Excuse me, Commander?" Archer queried with command authority.

"I mean, aye, aye, Cap'n," Trip corrected himself, but chuckled when he noticed Archer's small grin. "You should probably go to bed too, sir," he added good-naturedly.

"I think I will turn in," Archer said not arguing. "I'll talk to Malcolm in the morning." The Captain then got a mischievous glint in his eyes. Trip was glad to see it. "I'm thinking I'll ask the Lieutenant to have breakfast in the Captain's Mess."

Trip laughed out loud now. "Oh, Jon, you're not going to torture poor Malcolm with that kind of request are you? You know how he _loves_ little chitchats."

"Exactly," Archer said around a laugh of his own. "He'll be under the impression I'm doing another round of getting-to-know-you interviews. He can squirm a little before I tell him the breakfast meeting is to discuss ship security business."

"You've got a mean streak in you, Jon," Trip said jokingly. "I'd love to see his face."

"It'll help to put me at ease to broach what for me is a difficult subject," Archer replied, trying to justify his practical joke on his Chief of Security.

"Good luck," Trip said a little more seriously. "And just know that whatever you decide, I'll back you up one hundred percent."

"Thanks, Trip. That means a lot to me," Archer said finally feeling more settled. "I need all the luck and support I can get."

* * *

Lieutenant Malcolm Reed sat in the Captain's Mess and tried not to fidget in his chair. Captain Archer had commed his quarters at 0600, well after Reed was awake, and had invited him to breakfast. Malcolm's morning had been somewhat invigorating, but now it had turned somewhat bleak. Not that Reed didn't like the Captain; in fact he had the highest respect and admiration for the man, but he hated meals in the Captain's Mess. Malcolm was partially flattered to be asked by Archer to have breakfast with him; it was just the idle chitchat and having to answer personal questions that he didn't like.

Reed was a very private person. He felt he was bad at personal small talk, and he liked to keep to himself. Unfortunately his CO was a very curious person and liked to find out more about his crew. It wasn't a bad thing; it just made someone with Malcolm's personality a little uncomfortable. He had more important duties to attend to dealing with the security of the ship. He had recently come up with some new upgrades for the forward phase cannons and he wanted to get started on them first thing this morning. Having breakfast with the Captain would only delay that.

Now if Archer had wanted to hear all about Reed's planned upgrades, that wouldn't be so laborious. Malcolm could talk shop all day long; that wasn't a problem. He liked to focus on topics other than himself. If he could focus on his duties and responsibilities he felt more secure and safe. They gave him a sense of purpose, which in turn, when they were fulfilled, gave him an enormous feeling of satisfaction.

"How are you pancakes this morning, Malcolm?" the Captain asked him now as he popped some hash browns into his mouth.

"They're fine, sir," Reed said in his crisp British accent, and willed himself to be patient with his captain. He cut anxiously at his pancakes with his fork.

With an unexpected twinkle in his eyes, Archer then said, "You're probably wondering why I asked you to have breakfast in the Captain's Mess this morning."

"I _am _rather curious, sir," Reed admitted. "It _has_ been a while since you've done so." This for the lieutenant had been a great blessing.

"Relax, Malcolm," the Captain told him with mock sternness. "I'm not going to try and pry any personal information out of you this time. I actually wanted to get your opinion on a security issue."

Archer smiled and silently chuckled at the visible relief and surprise he saw appear in Reed's body language and facial expression. The tactical officer even seemed to breathe easier, after he got over his initial shock. "Oh, really?" he asked the Captain dubiously.

Enjoying Malcolm's reaction for a moment longer, Archer then turned more serious. He took a deep, steadying breath. Now he had to broach the subject of Mai. He hadn't slept at all during the night. Instead, he had spent all his time searching his heart. Everything he had learned and experienced in his life was telling him to help someone who was one of his best friends. He chose to put the past behind him and work on just the present. Mai needed his help right now and he was going to give it to her even if it hurt to do so. Her well-being and happiness were more important than his own, and if Malcolm was open to the transfer, he was going to bring her abroad.

"Yes," Archer began, and then cleared his throat. "Even though I'm the captain and the ultimate decision about anything to do with the ship is mine to make, I wanted to make sure I took into consideration your opinion and thoughts before I made any decision. You're my Security Chief, my Tactical Officer; you know the needs and situation better than anyone else on broad when it comes to the issue of protecting _Enterprise_ and her crew. Whatever input or advice you can offer will be taken seriously and I will use it to help guide my final decision."

Reed stared at the Captain for a few heartbeats. Captain Archer was asking for Malcolm's advice and expertise before he decided to do something, instead of plowing full steam ahead like he sometimes tended to do. This turn of events was surprising, but not unwelcome. It was refreshing to the armory officer actually.

"What kind of decision do you have to make, sir that concerns the security of _Enterprise_?" Malcolm finally asked.

Archer took his time in answering, moving his scrambled eggs around on his plate, which piqued Reed's interest further. "It's about the MACOs. I'm considering transferring a new unit abroad the ship," the Captain said, plunging ahead. He took a sip of orange juice as he watched Malcolm's reaction.

"You want to transfer MACO units?" Reed asked in confusion; this was not the topic he had been expecting. Maybe something about the weapons or security shifts, but not this. "Why would you want to do that?" His folk clanked onto his plate.

Malcolm saw the Captain wince, which confused him even more. Archer knew his tactical officer would ask that question. "There are a number of reasons, but I will be completely honest about this with you, Malcolm. The main reason is of a personal nature."

That admission floored Reed. He at least had the candor not to let his mouth drop open. Malcolm wasn't aware of any problems between the Captain and any of the current MACOs. "Sir?" he asked, needing Archer to clarify his statement.

"It's not what you're probably thinking, Malcolm," the Captain explained. "I don't have any thing against the current group of MACOs serving aboard _Enterprise_. I like how in sync they are with your security teams. You've developed a good balance with them."

"Then why do you want to transfer them?" Malcolm asked interrupting Archer's train of thought. He couldn't help it; he didn't understand the Captain's motivations.

"How big a disruption would such a transfer cause, Lieutenant?" Archer asked instead of answering Reed's question. "It wouldn't even have to be all of them, just enough for a new squad."

The first thought Malcolm had was that it would be very disruptive, but that was his own personal feelings getting in the way. If he really looked at the situation, practically, it might be a good thing for the safety of the ship. Both his security teams and the MACOs had grown a tad bit complacent of late. They might be too comfortable with each other and not on their game. Shaking things up some might shape his men and the MACOs back into a more efficient status. Although, it _was_ nice to know how the MACOs functioned and how they would react to different situations. Relations were good between the Starfleet personnel and the MACO soldiers. The crew _did_ trust this current group to protect them and the ship.

"Well, it would cause a disruption, sir," Reed began and at Archer's frown he hurriedly continued, "but that might not be such a bad thing. It might put us on edge and keep us on our toes. I don't think it would be too much of a problem, provided that Kemper and McKenzie stay, and possibly Chang. It would help me to train new recruits more effectively and with less loss of time. Their seasoning would be a real asset."

Archer didn't think that would be a hard compromise to make. "The only thing with keeping them is that the unit I'm thinking of picking already has a unit leader. Do you think Kemper and McKenzie would step back for a new commander?"

"I don't see why not," Malcolm said after some thought. "Neither one of them wanted to take Hayes' place. I think they'd be relieved to step down from their leadership roles, as long as their insight wasn't tossed aside. What unit are you thinking of choosing?" Reed couldn't keep the curiousness out of his voice.

"They're an elite group: Special Tactics and Rescue. The unit commander is a woman by the name of Mairead Donnelly…" Archer was cut off by another comment from Reed. Mai had not taken Tom's name when they married, at least not officially. It helped keep them distinct within the MACO ranks.

"As in the commander of the 'Fighting Donnellys'?" Malcolm blurted out; his food was totally forgotten now, so was the Captain's.

This question took Archer aback. He had never heard of Mai's squad being called that. "I guess so. Where did you hear that name from?"

"Sergeant Nate Kemper," Reed informed the Captain. "He's told at least a dozen stories about how good they are. He tried out for the squad, but didn't make it."

"So I take it you wouldn't mind if I brought them abroad and had you work with them?" Archer asked trying to hide his surprise.

"Not at all," Malcolm said with out any hesitation. "It would be an honor to work with them, Captain. How do you know them?"

Silence met Reed's query. "Sir, how do you know them? Why do you want them to transfer to _Enterprise_? Why now? You could have asked for them when you first decided to include MACOS on board, but you didn't. What's changed, sir?" The tactical officer's brow was furrowed in consternation and confusion. Was this the personal reason the Captain had mentioned before?

Archer seemed to ground himself and then he said, "The reason is a personal one, like I said before. Mairead is a very close friend of mine, from before my time on _Enterprise_. I'm also good friends with her older brother, Commander Fergus Donnelly in Starfleet Administration. Fergus sent me a subspace message last night. Mai's husband, Tom Branson, was killed in action a few weeks ago. Mai's taking it hard according to Fergus. He thinks it will help her snap out of it to give her a new assignment and put her among old friends."

Malcolm couldn't have been more surprised than if one of his little explosive devices had blown up right in his face. He just stared at his captain. Archer actually knew Major Mairead Donnelly; he even called her by a nickname. This was too good to be true. Ever since Kemper's first tale about the major and her squad, Reed had been fascinated by them. To get to meet them and work with them because the Captain knew their commander would be a dream come true. The only down side was that Major Donnelly may have control issues like Hayes did. From the way Kemper described her, she was one tough military soldier.

"So you're thinking about helping her out and trying what her brother has suggested by transferring her to _Enterprise_?" Malcolm asked, wanting to make sure he understood the entire situation. "And did you say she would be among 'old friends', as in the plural. Who else does she know abroad _Enterprise_? I know none of the MACOs I work with now have never actually met her. They just really admire her. Hayes may have known her, worked with her, but he's gone now." Reed's throat constricted at the loss of a fine soldier in the field.

"Believe it or not, Trip knows her too," Archer confessed. He was having a hard time looking Reed in the eye because the Captain didn't want to give too much away. "We were all close friends back in my early years in Starfleet. Mai, at that time, had been a member of Starfleet. I mentored her through flight school and Starfleet Training."

The room suddenly seemed too small to Reed. Major Donnelly had once been in Starfleet and Captain Archer had been her mentor? She knew Trip Tucker? That didn't seem possible. Kemper made her out to be a straight-down-the-line, hardcore MACO. "What made her change her affiliation?" he couldn't help but ask, totally flabbergasted.

"Her late husband," Archer said bitterly. Malcolm wasn't sure where the sudden hostility came from. Then it hit him.

"She joined the MACOs because of this Tom Branson," Reed said putting it together, "and you lost your star pupil to the MACOs."

The Captain seemed to start at his tactical officer's deduction, then he smiled weakly. "You guessed it, Malcolm," he said with some strain in his voice.

"Well, she must have decided she really liked the military, because she is one of the MACOs' best from what I hear," Reed replied. "I'm willing to recommend and support the transfer at least on a trial basis. If Major Donnelly can't move past her grief at loosing her husband and fails to perform her duties, then we need to go back to our current roster, or use another unit all together. I'm all for helping a fellow officer, but not at the expense of the ship and crew's safety."

"Agreed, Lieutenant," the Captain responded. Then he wanted to deal with another topic that Reed would surely be worried about. Hell, he was still a little worried about it himself, but he was going to deal with it. "And I can assure you that I will not interfere in any way with how you'd want to run things, Malcolm. You've proven yourself many times over. I trust your judgment. She may be my friend, but I won't let that bias me toward her. She has to live up to the same standards as everyone else aboard this ship. I care about her, but that will _not_ compromise my objectivity. I'm really only doing this as a favor. If it meets both the needs of the ship and Mai that would be ideal. If it doesn't, well then we'll reevaluate what will," Archer tried to speak with as much sincerity as he could muster. He hoped he could follow through with what he was telling Reed.

Malcolm had a few question about Mairead. "Will she follow my orders or will she think she's in charge? Will she be willing to work with me, or will she fight against me?"

"She's dedicated, loyal, and usually willing to compromise. She takes her job very seriously and others always come first with her. She will do whatever it takes to accomplish her mission," were the answers Reed got from Archer. "She _is_ Irish," he threw in as an after thought.

A smile played at Malcolm's lips. His mother was part Irish and he knew exactly what that meant. "I think I can deal with that," he told the Captain.

Archer was relieved that Reed was taking this so well. It lifted a huge weight off his shoulders, not to mention his heart. "There_ is_ the potential for her to act like Hayes did, but I think if you approach her as an equal and treat her fairly, she'll respond accordingly, Malcolm. She always gives people the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise to her. And her Starfleet experience is still a part of her. I'm hoping that will make her more sensitive to your position and help her be more understanding of your situation."

"All right then," Reed said more formally. "It is your Chief Tactical Officer's opinion and recommendation to transfer MACO units at the captain's discretion, with the stipulation that Sergeant Nathanial Kemper, Corporal Fiona McKenzie, and Corporal Hideaki Chang remain in their current assignment aboard _Enterprise_. This is of course on a trial basis, subject to change whenever so advised by the Chief Tactical Officer."

Feeling his mood lighten, Archer flashed Malcolm a genuinely bright smile. "So noted," he replied. "And Malcolm are you sure you weren't a business law officer in another life? You negotiate a contract like a seasoned professional," the Captain added in jest.

"I don't think so, sir," Malcolm said as he dug back into his pancakes. "I think it comes from years of observing my father and his interactions with people." He smirked as he said this.

The Captain fell silent again, knowing that a majority of his cons had been overcome, at least for the moment. The only ones left were how Mai might feel about all of this and how much Tom's death had truly affected her. Only time would tell how serious a problem that could be. It looked like the _Enterprise _would be getting some new recruits. Seeing Mai again would be wonderful and painful at the same time. Archer fervently hoped he had made the right decision.

-Fin-

**Please type a sentence or two dealing with what you think about the story. This is the first one I've actually finished. I'm open to any thoughts about what people would like to see happen in the sequel, but ya gotta let me know!! :)**


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